Extreme grandparenting

Columbia Falls couple adopt five great-grandchildren

By Candace Chase

The Daily Inter Lake

Five little children ages 3 to 8 saw their dream come true Thursday when a court in Kalispell approved their adoption by their great-grandmother and step-great-grandfather.

"They've been counting the days," said Virginia Crawford of Columbia Falls, the children's great-grandmother. "After the hearing, they just hugged us. It was a joyous time."

At 71, Crawford said she has learned to pace herself to keep up with Sarathia, 8, Taressa, 7, twins Renee and Jenee, 6, and Phillip, 3. She knows the ropes since she has cared for the girls off and on for several years.

A devoted Christian who has served many missions through the Pentecostal Church, Crawford said her faith sees her through the challenges of raising her third family.

"At my age, I'm on my knees to God every day asking, 'Please give me the energy for another day,'" she said.

Following the court appearance Thursday morning, the new official family went to Perkins Family Restaurant for a celebratory meal followed by a visit to Woodland Park. As the children played under her watchful eye, Crawford detailed her path to extreme mothering.

SHE RAISED her own three children, then helped her son raise her granddaughter Sara and grandson Weldon "Bubba" after her son's wife died at 33 of a heart attack. When Sara separated from her first husband, Crawford agreed to care for the girls.

As a single mother, Sara never managed to get in a position to take the girls. Then, she remarried and had Phillip but the couple still had housing woes.

After consultation with her husband Charlie, Crawford allowed them to live in her home in Columbia Falls when she and Charlie moved to Idaho. But about seven months later, she got a phone call from state officials reporting that the children were neglected.

"They were going to put them in a foster home," she said. "I said don't take them away - I'm coming back."

Crawford said the children only spent seven days in a foster home before she returned to Columbia Falls and became their foster parent. She found her son-in-law had developed a prescription-drug dependency because of a medical problem.

Other details of why school officials and neighbors reported child neglect remain in dispute by her granddaughter.

"Sometimes it's difficult for people to admit the role they played in their own problems," Crawford said.

Her granddaughter was angry at first as Crawford and her husband filed to adopt the children in 2005. After having Sara and her brother moved away by their father, Crawford said she would not accept temporary guardianship of these children.

As part of the process, the Crawfords went to foster-parent training classes.

"I would like the public to be aware that there are a lot of children out there who need foster care," she said. "The training program is only six weeks."

AFTER RAISING two families, Crawford said she didn't think she would learn much at the classes. But she said the presentation had a profound impact on her understanding of what children go through in losing their family.

The leader had the class list the emotions they go through when they lose a close companion or relative. Then, the class did the same for losing a home in a fire.

"These children you take, they've lost everything," she said. "You think they're just kids - they'll get over it. But they don't."

It became clear to her why her great grandchildren kept asking her, "Are we yours yet?" every time she came home from training. They wanted a home and family they could depend on.

Because of her age, she has identified relatives who would take over raising the children if she dies. But she expects to see the job through.

"I'm perfectly healthy, as far as I know," she said.

Unlike some adoptive parents, the Crawfords want the children to maintain a relationship with their biological parents. They will allow visits as long as the parents keep their lives in order.

Crawford is proud that Sara has completed four semesters of college toward a career in the medical field. She said Sara eventually got over her anger and signed off on the adoption.

Her granddaughter even attended the final court appearance. Crawford hopes she will visit often and help with the children.

"I think it would tear her apart if someone else was taking them," she said.

THE GREAT-GRANDMOTHER'S experienced but gentle hands were obvious at the park. The children didn't venture anywhere without asking permission and giving Crawford a hug.

"To me, a child was not put here to make their own decisions," she said. "The younger generation thinks children should make their own decisions but that doesn't work for grandma."

When people compliment her on how well-behaved the children seem she beams, but admits they do break the rules sometimes. For punishment, she uses the tried and true standing in the corner or extra chores.

"Kids only do as they are taught to do," she said.

The Crawfords have no problem getting the children to mind. As a former sergeant in the Army, Grandpa Charlie, 76, knows how to keep a platoon of children marching straight.

As a man with no children of his own, he faced the biggest adjustment to his wife's extended tour of duty as a mother. Married 27 years ago, the couple made sacrifices to take in the grandchildren and then the great-grandchildren.

Crawford said she has just a tiny Social Security check since she worked mainly for free as a missionary. They depend on Charlie's government pension, which was reduced because he had to retire eight years early.

She expressed gratitude for the benefit of Medicaid to cover the children until age 18.

"I'm conservative, from the old school," she said. "You don't buy everything you see. I can make a go of it."

Crawford said things never stop going. Her day starts at 6 a.m. when she gets the older girls up and off to the bus by 7:30 p.m. At 8:30 a.m. Phillip goes to the learning center three days a week.

The twins go to Ruder School for afternoon kindergarten at 12:30. Crawford then has until 4 p.m. to do laundry and plan the next meal. All the children help out around the house, doing their assigned chores.

"Now I have four in Girl Scouts," she said with a laugh. "It seems like I never get caught up."

They attend the Columbia Falls Pentecostal Church of God every Sunday and sometimes children's church on Wednesday evenings.

After supper, the children have more energy than ever, ready to jump rope or play tag while their great-grandmother wants to drop into bed. She recalled Phillip's response to her recently when she told him how much she loved him.

"He said 'Grandma, you love us in the morning but you sure don't love us in the evening,'" she said, laughing. "I said 'Yes I do - you just make me tired.'"

Crawford said her days end at about 10 p.m. with the children tucked into three of the four bedrooms in their 1963 mobile home with a tiny house connected as a family room.

A friend at the Kalispell Food Bank has nominated the family for the television program, "Extreme Makeover," to improve their housing situation. Crawford would welcome the upgrade.

"Nothing's fixed or finished [in the mobile home]," she said. "But I'm not complaining. I'm happy to have it."

Crawford doesn't let their housing or her age get in the way of having "a blast" with the children every day. She tells people that she doesn't have the energy of her youth but she has the wisdom to know when to rest.

"I think we make our world as happy as we want it to be," she said.

With their new family securely adopted, the Crawfords have made five little children very happy. They all decided to wear their new Easter outfits to District Judge Stewart Stadler's courtroom.

After just 15 or 20 minutes, Crawford finally had the answer from the judge they were so anxious to hear.

"Yes - you're ours now," she told the children.

Reporter Candace Chase may be reached at 758-4436 or by e-mail at cchase@dailyinterlake.com