Caught between Barack and a hard place

Call it Obamamania. Call him the Kool-Aid Kandidate. But please, let?s call the whole thing off.

The love affair between Barack Obama and the rest of the world has just gotten crazier and crazier.

Two incidents last week are worthy of note. In the first one, MSNBC?s blatherer-in-chief Chris Matthews embarrassed himself by gushing about Obama like a schoolgirl with a crush on the team captain.

After watching the speech by Sen. Obama following his primary victories in Virginia, Maryland and D.C. on Tuesday, Matthews told his co-host Keith Olbermann, ?I have to tell you, you know, it?s part of reporting this case, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear Barack Obama?s speech. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg… I mean, I don?t have that too often. No, seriously. It?s a dramatic event. He speaks about America in a way that has nothing to do with politics. It has to do with the feeling we have about our country. And that is an objective assessment.?

No, seriously. He really thinks that is an ?objective assessment.?

But of course Matthews is right about one thing. Obama does speak about America in a way that has nothing to do with politics. Politics is about policies, about ideas, about programs ? but Obama?s speech is all about platitudes and puffery and pretense. Just read the speech that gave Matthews ?restless leg syndrome,? and you?ll see what I mean. It?s available online at http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/samgrahamfelsen/C7CS

A cynic such as myself could go through the entire speech and point out how Obama?s big-sounding words mean absolutely nothing, or could mean just the opposite of what they appear to mean. Here, for your edification, are some of the leg-tingling moments from the speech, along with translation into language even Chris Matthews could understand:

? ?Today the change we seek swept through the Chesapeake and over the Potomac.?

Translation: ?Today I got more votes than Hillary Clinton.?

? ?We know it takes more than one night ? or even one election ? to overcome decades of money and the influence, bitter partisanship and petty bickering that?s shut you out, let you down and told you to settle.?

Translation: ?The reason I am winning election after election is because I have more money than Hillary Clinton, but as long as I say I am against politicians, no one seems to notice I am one of the best of them.?

? ?We have given young people a reason to believe, and brought folks back to the polls who want to believe again. And we are bringing together Democrats and independents and Republicans; blacks and whites; Latinos and Asians; small states and big states; Red States and Blue States into a United States of America. This is the new American majority.?

Translation: ?I have told people what they want to hear, or just allowed people to hear whatever they want to hear, because when I talk no one really hears anything except the sound of my voice lulling them to sleep.?

? ?At a time when so many people are struggling to keep up with soaring costs in a sluggish economy, we know that the status quo in Washington just won?t do. Not this time. Not this year. We can?t keep playing the same Washington game with the same Washington players and expect a different result ? because it?s a game that ordinary Americans are losing.?

Translation: ?When I say ?the same Washington game with the same Washington players,? I mean I am not a Clinton. When I say ?soaring costs,? I mean more entitlements. When I say ?sluggish economy? I mean higher taxes. When I say ?expect a different result,? I mean ?more of the same.? ?

? ?It?s a game where lobbyists write check after check and Exxon turns record profits, while you pay the price at the pump, and our planet is put at risk. That?s what happens when lobbyists set the agenda… It?s a game where trade deals like NAFTA ship jobs overseas and force parents to compete with their teenagers to work for minimum wage at Wal-Mart. That?s what happens when the American worker doesn?t have a voice at the negotiating table… and that?s why we need a president who will listen to Main Street ? not just Wall Street; a president who will stand with workers not just when it?s easy, but when it?s hard.?

Translation: ?I may not speak the same language as Hugo Chavez, but I sound a Venezuela is good for the United States. Let?s nationalize the oil companies.?

? ?It?s a game where Democrats and Republicans fail to come together year after year after year, while another mother goes without health care for her sick child. That?s why we have to put an end to the division and distraction in Washington, so that we can unite this nation around a common purpose, a higher purpose.?

Translation: ?If I get elected, I will transfer the wealth of this nation from the rich to the poor, because there are more poor people than rich people, and therefore more votes.?

? ?It?s a game where the only way for Democrats to look tough on national security is by talking, and acting and voting like Bush-McCain Republicans, while our troops are sent to fight tour after tour of duty in a war that should?ve never been authorized and should?ve never been waged. That?s what happens when we use 9/11 to scare up votes, and that?s why we need to do more than end a war ? we need to end the mindset that got us into war.?

Translation: ?Some Democrats believe in a strong defense, but I am not one of them. It?s easy to get the Democratic nomination by acting like I am against war, so I am going to do it. All you know for sure is that I think the most dangerous thing in the world is electing a Republican as president of the United States.?

? ?It?s time to stand up and reach for what?s possible, because together, people who love their country can change it. Now when I start talking like this, some folks tell me that I?ve got my head in the clouds. That I need a reality check. That we?re still offering false hope.?

Translation: ?Some people are on to me ? they know just how dangerous I am ? but with my reputation as a golden orator, I can drown them out. The truth cannot long stand against a sea of sonorous platitudes.?

? ?Now we carry our message to farms and factories across this state, and to the cities and small towns of Ohio, to the open plains deep in the heart of Texas, and all the way to Democratic National Convention in Denver; it?s the same message we had when we were up, and when were down; that out of many, we are one; that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us; and that we can cast off our doubts and fears and cynicism because our dream will not be deferred; our future will not be denied; and our time for change has come.?

Translation: ?Vote for me, and you will have a future. Vote for Hillary Clinton, and tomorrow will never come. Vote for John McCain, and you will burn in hell.?

Regarding that last sentiment, it appears at least one McCain supporter is taking it seriously, which brings us to the second seriously wacked incident of Obamamania last week. On PBS, Mark McKinnon, a top adviser to McCain and former adviser to President Bush, announced that he will quit McCain?s campaign if Obama is the Democratic nominee.

Although McKinnon said he supports McCain 100 percent and disagrees with Obama on fundamental issues, he doesn?t seem to think issues matter as much as charisma. Like a good Kool-Aid drinker, he said: ?I would simply be uncomfortable being in a campaign that would be inevitably attacking Barack Obama.?

Remarkably, McKinnon is a guy who just two weeks ago was blasting Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk show hosts for not getting in line behind McCain as the presumptive GOP nominee.

He asked ?Isn?t it better to get behind a Republican you may disagree with from time to time than work for an outcome that puts a Democrat in the White House with whom you will disagree all of the time??

Translation: ?I am one of those evil lobbyist types who Barack Obama claims to hate… but can we expect to see people like me and other typical political hacks in the Obama administration next year? YES, WE CAN!?