Letters to the editor Aug. 5

Jobs report

Our implanted emperor was displeased by the recent monthly report from the Department of Labor Statistics so he took decisive action and summarily fired the confirmed yet hapless soul whose responsibility it was to prepare the report.  

“Off with her head!” said he and soon announced that he would nominate a replacement “within three to four days” as he called for his “fiddlers three” to perform [not musicians, but rather “accountants”].

I suggest we just save that salary, not fill the position, save Congress’s time and assume that each monthly report hereafter will be rosy. While at it, decree that the stock market will rise, on average each week perpetually and that the U.S. dollar (or perhaps the new $500 dollar bill emblazoned with our emperor, will never suffer the slings and arrows of “decline” on the world’s market.

Done deal! And we can get on with declaring economic war on Canada and, for that matter, pretty much the rest of the world, resting comfortably in a climate that shan’t impinge on our comfort or security while vaccination rates of children fall to their lowest level in decades (Whoops! Another statistic we needn’t gather).

I mentioned to my wife as we played a game of cribbage this morning that my count was “always going to exceed hers” under new rules. She put her foot down firmly and said “Not in my house!” unlike the houses of the U.S. Congress.

So, I’ll live merrily until that day near the end of 2025 when Dave Barry visits the previous 12 months with a pen ringing with childish truth and incisive mirth brings us back to a reality that perhaps our emperor “hath no clothes” but that we are but his vassals in any event.

— Larry D. Williams, Columbia Falls

Another groaner

After reading about President Trump’s demand that the Washington Commanders and the Cleveland Guardians change their names back to Redskins and Indians, I realized that MAGA actually means Make Americans Groan Again.  

Why is he wasting his time meddling in the names of baseball teams and threatening the Commanders’ new stadium funding? This is on top of his and Steve Miller’s defunding of national safety nets like the FAA, the FDA, FEMA, medical research, USAID (to garner loyalty from impoverished countries), and on and on. 

Those actions have caused most of American citizens to groan. As concerned Americans, we need to regularly call, email or write to our representatives and senators, asking them to reign in the abuse of power by Trump, and provide better leadership for the futures of all Americans. 

— Rayne Beach, Whitefish