It takes a village to grow strong

“You’re too young to be here,” former Mayor Doug Rauthe said to me with a wink as I eased my way out after the May 14 My Glacier Village meetup in Depot Park’s community room.

I answered that we could be learning this kind of thing at any age, maybe the sooner the better. One in a series of conversations held on the second Thursday of each month, the free events are offered as sort of a 12-session course called “The Art of Aging Well.” 

We focused on emotional resilience and purpose on the afternoon I attended. 

Jenn Prunty, cofounder of the program, revealed the fruits of her research to the couple dozen attendees in a well-structured presentation that got people talking, brainstorming and even chuckling.  

My Glacier Village, a relative newcomer to the valley’s nonprofit sector, does timely work in an apt place, where the median age is higher than Montana’s overall, which itself is higher than the national figure. More than 21% of Flathead County residents are 65 and over.  

The resilience topic definitely capitalized on the group’s general mission to “celebrate the freedom and wisdom that comes with age."

More and more, researchers find that health largely rests with the mind. Prunty pointed out that resilience is a skill, not a trait, and one we can always improve. 

Now the bad news. Prunty said, “Unfortunately, we do have to go through a hard thing to develop the skill.” 

The attendees had no problem coming up with a list of losses that deliver emotional blows beyond the primary deep losses of loved ones.  

“I used to run for miles,” a woman said. “Now I’m lucky if I can walk a block.” 

Someone shouted out another loss: “Travel.” A murmur floated across the room, and I swallowed hard.  

With waning of physical abilities come other losses: freedom, "being needed,” pride of work — the kind of thing you grieve but “you don’t get a casserole or a card in the mail,” another said. 

What helps, according to Prunty, is what we were doing right then: Naming, then describing. 

“Naming is a foundational step in problem solving,” she said. “A source of anxiety becomes a manageable challenge.”  

Then comes sharing. An attendee said, “We all say we’re fine, but if I do say something, they want to fix it.” Another chimed in, “Or the other person will say, ‘I understand.’ But they don’t!” 

Many listeners are new to such conversations. I have heard of a suggested tack for listeners, who could reply with some version of, “Would you like to be helped, heard or hugged?” But it may be the sharers themselves who have to spell out the desired response. Remember that part above about “wisdom of age”? Lifelong learners often double as lifelong teachers. 

One fellow cited his background in medicine and talked about how “men have it a little different. They mention things they can’t do anymore — and it’s their identity.” Many nodded, and spoke to purpose — a reason to start volunteering. 

Change also ushers in the new. “If I hadn’t accepted the transition when my husband died, I wouldn’t be here with so many friends,” one woman said. “I would have missed this!” 

Margaret E. Davis, executive director of the Northwest Montana History Museum, can be reached at mdavis@dailyinterlake.com.