There's nothing less cool than comfort

Though it's less than a week until Christmas, a Fourth of July story will be more relevant to the many parents out there trying to get their teenagers through the winter months.

Many years ago, my family spent what had to have been the coldest Fourth of July on record on the Oregon coast. We were trying to keep our two small boys from becoming hypothermic while watching the fireworks show over the ocean. We huddled in lawn chairs, swaddled in coats and wrapped in blankets. The wind never stopped blowing.

Despite the conditions, the resident teenagers spent the evening running back and forth in shorts and skin-revealing shirts. It was painful to watch.

That night came to mind recently because, even with only two days of winter-like weather so far, the battle to force my own two adolescent children to dress sensibly has begun.

I was at my boys' school a few weeks ago on a day when it was snowing/raining, and I saw them both coming in from recess with their sweatshirts soaked. One of them had a hood full of snow.

So the next morning, when it was snowing as the boys were preparing to go to school, I mentioned to my oldest son that he should wear his winter coat. Predictably, the first words out of his mouth were "I don't need a coat."

Instead of rational, calm, patient, mature parenting behavior, I blew up before he got to the word "coat," refusing to argue over an issue over which he was so obviously wrong. My other son, who is even more averse to being warm and thus not cool, was scared into submission and meekly grabbed his coat before I said a word to him.

(I know this sounds uncannily like last Sunday's "Zits" comic in this very paper, but I'm really not stealing material.)

I'm not sure at what age coats become a nuisance. I've noticed the little kids are bundled to the hilt every time there's even the slightest hint of precipitation in the air. They're on the playground before school starts in heavy coats, snow pants, gloves, hats, buffalo robes, etc., while the older kids waltz in with nothing but long sleeves to fight off the elements.

It's hard not to worry that the school staff is buzzing about what an uncaring, neglectful parent you are. But I found that sharing your tale can alleviate some guilt.

The day I resorted to the mother-on-the-verge-of-a-nervous-breakdown technique to win the coat battle, one co-worker told me that one of her daughters insisted on and was allowed to wear shorts throughout an entire winter. Another co-worker's daughter waited until the year's slushiest, dampest weather set in, and then she pulled out her thin Chinese-style slippers, which would of course look all wrong if worn with socks.

So if you've bought your adolescent an expensive coat for Christmas that is not just stylish but will also provide some warmth, it's not too late to take it back and get them something that might be put to good use.

Reporter Heidi Gaiser may be reached at 758-4431 or by e-mail at hgaiser@dailyinterlake.com