Workshop unites moms, daughters

A series of Flathead City-County Health Department workshops finds common ground to link mothers and daughters.

Called "Growing Up Female," the popular three-hour sessions help moms and daughters confront coming of age with better communication skills.

Health officials work to remove the "yuck" factor as young girls anticipate menstruation.

"We emphasize this is something to celebrate," Wendy Doely said.

As director of reproductive services, Doely oversees and often helps conduct the workshops. Two experts guide up to 13 pairs of mothers and daughters into sharing information and their anxieties about puberty.

During the winter, the department schedules an equally popular workshop called "Growing up Male" where dads and sons explore the physical and emotional landmarks on the journey to manhood.

The department remains flexible about the person accompanying the son or daughter. Sometimes a Big Brother, Big Sister or other significant person provides the adult half of the couple.

Although 13 duos may preregister for each workshop, Doely said it's usually a smaller, more intimate group.

"It's really comfortable," she said. "For some parents, it's very much a door opener."

She finds that parents want to set the stage for puberty for their children but just need an opportunity. When they call to preregister, Doely explains the discussions address puberty, not sexual practices, diseases, pregnancy or contraception.

Over the years, the age of girls attending the female workshops has dropped from 13 to as young as 9. Doely said fifth- and sixth-graders predominate these days.

For reasons not fully understood, the age of the onset of puberty continues to get younger.

"A hundred years ago, girls were 15 or 16," Doely said. "Now, we're seeing 9-year-olds starting puberty."

People may think no mysteries remain for preteens in today's world. But Doely sees a different picture.

"These girls seem really hungry for information," she said.

The workshop leaders use videos, a mannequin and a variety of exercises to get two-way conversations going between mothers and daughters. They begin by defining puberty, sexuality and good communication.

Mothers and daughters work together and then switch moms and ask silly questions to start the conversations flowing. Questions become more serious like "What's one thing you would like to change about the other?"

"We also do the positive - 'What do you really like about the other person?'" Doely said.

The mothers tell about the experience of their first period. Daughters listen as their moms recall their anxieties and concerns.

By sharing their mothers' journeys, the girls make an easier transition with many of their questions before the day of their first menstruation. A video shown at the workshop concentrates on hygiene issues.

Doely said girls always ask about tampons versus pads, which leaders defer to their mothers. Many have fears about tampons based on a misunderstanding of their anatomy.

"We have a really good model that actually has a uterus, ovaries and a vagina," she said.

With this visual aid, the leaders reassure the girls a tampon can't get lost in their bodies. The mannequin also assists in discussions of the physiology of puberty.

The leaders promote lifestyle practices such as good nutrition and getting enough sleep to reduce moodiness. At the end of the workshop, the leaders separate the mothers and daughters.

"Moms talk about the process of letting go," Doely said.

Daughters get an opportunity to submit anonymous questions in their private session. She said these often reflect things they have heard in adult conversations, such as hysterectomy, but never really understood.

"It's just things they're curious about," she said.

She said moms and daughters report continuing their discussions in the car on the way home. They leave the workshops with a packet of information designed to keep communication flowing.

The department has scheduled the next workshop from 5:30-8:30 p.m. Nov. 22 and Dec. 6. The cost of $20 per family includes a pizza dinner.

"We have a lot of people who repeat when a younger daughter comes to that age," Doely said.

The department receives many requests for a workshop on "the next step" to tackle choices about sex, pregnancy, diseases, etc.

Doely said the Friends of Family Planning advisory board has considered the requests. But Doely said she didn't think the same format would work as well for those topics complicated by morality and individual values.

"Puberty is puberty and everyone goes through it," she said.

Doely said participants give consistently good feedback from the "Growing Up Female" format and approach.

From the start, leaders set the tone for the transition to woman as an exciting journey while preparing them for the hormonal roller coaster ride. Doely said she took her daughter out to dinner to commemorate her passage.

"Women do need to celebrate," Doely said. " You're healthy, your body's functioning the way it should."

For more information or to register for future workshops, call 751-8150.

Reporter Candace Chase may be reached at 758-4436 or by e-mail at cchase@dailyinterlake.com