'Meating' of the minds

We turned to the Food Network last month just in time to see two guys deep-frying coiled rattlesnake meat in a turkey fryer. It was part of the Wild Game Cook-off special, an afternoon of the top wild-game chefs gathered in Springville, Ala., for an afternoon of "grills gone wild."

The red flag here is that deep-frying rattlesnake is nothing out of the ordinary when your husband has made a career out of meat. He ho-hummed the snake segment, but perked up when the cameras panned the wild boar roasting over an open fire.

"Where do you buy wild boar?" he mused. "I think I'll do an Internet search for wild boar."

Here we go again.

To have a spouse so interested in exotic animal flesh has its benefits. Our meals have a lot of variety. But there a couple of obvious down sides.

One is freezer space. I stood in front of our bulging freezer not long ago, contemplating how to cram in six loaves of bread we'd bought on sale. This is how the conversation went:

"Honey, I'm going to have to clean out the freezer to make room for this bread. Something's gotta go," I ordered. "I'm thinking we can chuck the freezer-burned octopus."

"You know I had plans for that octopus (bought about three years ago at Pike's Market in Seattle). I just haven't had time to get to it," he replied.

"How about this 15-pound chunk of corned beef?"

"I'm going to cook it up and make corned-beef hash to send to my mom," he reminded me.

I wonder if he realizes how much hash 15 pounds of corned beef makes? Probably enough to keep her in hash until she's 100.

I inventoried the frozen goods languishing on the shelves and found alligator, monk fish, squid, crab, shrimp, bacon made from veal (I think), ducks, a couple of geese, pork liver, about 30 pounds of cod (a gift from his brother in Seattle) and a variety of sausages.

What ever happened to ground beef and pork chops?

I tossed the octopus, much to his chagrin, but the corned beef is still there.

Then there's the effect this meat mentality has had on our kids. Both of our daughters called hammocks "ham hocks," and the oldest one, at about age 4, sang: "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liver-ty." Her first word (I'm not kidding) was sausage.

The same daughter refused to bring store-bought hot dogs to a Girl Scout cookout, and insisted on her dad's homemade wieners. The other can detect a piece of meat that's been in the freezer more than a couple of weeks.

"This steak tastes kind of old," she'd admonish as she chewed on cuts that had been in cold storage for a couple of months.

In elementary school, they discovered popularity could be won by bringing bags of Dad's jerky and sharing with friends.

I realized early on we had raised meat snobs, and were ourselves pretty persnickety about which cuts of meat we chose. There are worse things in life, I guess. I'm inclined to think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. When we don't know what to get someone for Christmas, they get meat. Birthdays - give 'em meat. First communion - no, we haven't gone that far. But I am contemplating the best way to gift-wrap corned beef.

Features editor Lynnette Hintze has returned to the Daily Inter Lake after a year and a half at the Whitefish Pilot. She will alternate writing this Sunday column with reporter Heidi Gaiser. Hintze may be reached at 728-4421 or by e-mail at lhintze@dailyinterlake.com