Babble babble toil and trouble

To hear the talking heads on ESPN (the worldwide leader in hype) overreact on Thursday, Gary Sheffield exhibited a saint-like restraint and the Boston fans in the first row in right field were only slightly better than murderous scum.

This was all in response to the minor fracas during the Red Sox-Yankees game, which I'm sure you've by now seen somewhere on the order of 8.47 times for every minute you've tuned in to ESPN over the last few days.

In the interim, a lot of hot air has blown through the airwaves trying to dole out blame and award praise, with the only consensus being that the security guard who jumped over the fence is a hero.

(Before we award this guy the Nobel Peace Prize, since when did performing the job you were hired to do become such a commendable accomplishment? What else was he supposed to do, start chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!"?)

First there was King Blowhard Chris Berman declaring with authority after watching the replay that Sheffield had been hit in the eye. If - IF - he was hit at all, Sheffield says it was in the mouth. Then Berman's broadcast partner, ex-pitcher Rick Sutcliffe, let slip with a diatribe castigating everyone but Sheffield.

Why this has spurred on so much debate is a mystery to me. It's easy - everyone is at fault. The idiot fan who was either making an aborted attempt to lean over the railing and make a play on the ball or was just trying to mess with Sheffield is at fault. And so is Sheffield who did NOT show restraint (You call shoving the guy while holding onto a live ball restraint? I call it retaliation.)

The situation was similar (though not as bad) to the Pacers-Pistons brawl, in that at any one time, any party involved could have exercised the maturity to avoid escalating things (or starting them at all), but no one did.

Instead you got the swipe at Sheffield's face, Sheffield's shove and a ridiculous stare down/posturing session after the ball was thrown back in to the infield, reminiscent of so many frat house backyards:

Sheffield: "Disrespect me again!"

Fan: "You want a piece of me? I'm right here!"

Sheffield: "Disrespect me again!"

Fan: "I'm right here!"

Security guard: "You're all a bunch of @#$@% idiots!"

And in the clear thinking of two days later, it all seems a bit overblown, though after what happened in Detroit it is certainly cause for concern.

Still, you have to ask yourself if ESPN and the rest of the sports media would have cared as much if it were between a Milwaukee Brewer outfielder and a Pittsburgh Pirates fan rather than Sawx-Yanks.

This week's top 10 (down to eight after two items failed drug tests at the NFL combine):

- 8. Across the pond, fans REALLY know how to misbehave. For as bad as things may be over here with fan-player interaction, we got NOTHING on Europe.

Over there, fans threw lighted flares onto the field at a soccer match. Lighted flares?

Good to see that even with years and years of fan violence under their belts, security officials can't prevent fans from bringing in items that look suspiciously like dynamite.

- 7. The shot seen around the world. OK, fess up. How many of you let out a little (or big) yell when Tiger Woods holed that chip on 16 at the Masters?

Now that Tiger has broken his major drought, and won three times on tour already, can we please put to rest all the hand wringing over his game, his swing and his marriage?

I'm still waiting for a rational explanation of how his marriage would have affected his game in the first place.

- 6. Vinsanity revisited. A couple of months ago I wrote a top 10 item ripping Vince Carter, who had just been elected to the All-Star team despite having intentionally played at less than his best while in Toronto.

In the item, I said that Carter had peaked five years ago. The night I wrote that, Carter scored 41 points, and has topped 40 three other times since then. As a Net, he has scored at least 30 points in 23 games.

So I may have been a tad harsh in declaring him washed up. But he's still a bum for tanking the early part of the season to force a trade.

- 5. News from the Bizarro World. The New York Yankees and New York Giants are going to get new stadiums - the Giants' deal was announced last week and the Yankees will announce their's soon.

The thing is, both stadiums will be paid for entirely by the teams. No public money for construction at all. How is this at all possible? Cities, counties and states have bent over forward to build multi-million-dollar stadiums and arenas for multi-billionaire owners, and the Yankees and Giants can't get so much as a buck?

The New York Jets are fleecing the city for a new Manhattan stadium to the tune of $2.2 billion in corporate welfare. What makes the Yanks and Giants think they're better than the Jets?

- 4. More news from the Bizarro World. While channel surfing Saturday afternoon, I noticed there was figure skating on two different networks. I immediately ran to the fallout shelter and repented my sins, fearing the end was near.

- 3. NFL: Nitpicky Fashion League. The NFL has a list of banned words it won't allow on its official jerseys sold to fans. The list made news a few weeks ago because one of the banned words was "GAY," despite New England employing a cornerback named Randall Gay.

Now the league has added "MEXICO" to the list, proving it has absolutely no sense of humor. Ron Mexico is an alias for Mike Vick, who is being sued by a woman who alleges Mr. Mexico gave her herpes.

- 2. The age debate. Indiana Pacer Jermaine O'Neal spoke out against a minimum age for NBA players, calling such a restriction racist.

I'm not sure that it's racist, and I really don't care about a restriction one way or another. If such a limitation is collectively bargained fairly between the NBA and the union - or not - then so be it.

But one of the arguments in favor of an age requirement is that too many young black kids ignore school to focus on basketball in the hope of making it to the NBA. I have no doubt this is the case, and the last thing any segment of the population needs is its kids shirking school and banking on winning the lottery.

But to prevent those young men talented enough to play in the NBA from doing so on the off chance there will be a trickle down effect that starts sending more black kids to school is a desperate stretch at best and flat wrong at worst.

- 1. Hypocrisy, thy name is the NCAA. The addition of a permanent 12th game to the Division I-A and I-AA schedules is all but a lock after the NCAA Division I Management Council backed such a proposal.

Twelve regular season games for everyone, conference championship games for some, exempt "preseason" games for others and a bowl game to boot, but conducting a legitimate playoff would mean too much lost class time.

The hypocrites in charge of this mess couldn't be more duplicitous if they were made of carbon paper.

Andrew Hinkelman is a sports writer for The Daily Inter Lake. He can be reached at hink@dailyinterlake.com