How much is that petrified snail?

The assignment seemed relatively easy, a reporter's dream, actually - take money and spend it.

For my part of a two-part probe, I was given $20 and told to see what the money could buy at the Northwest Montana Fair.

My quest for bargains started at about 10 a.m. Thursday at the commercial building underneath the grandstand.

I hadn't been in the building long when a very nice lady from Missoula tried to sell me a $19 jar of sea-salt scrub, guaranteed to produce healthier-looking skin. It seemed like a great product as I smeared the salty goo onto my hand, but I quickly told her I was a reporter on a mission, and $19 scrub wasn't in my budget.

Farther on down the line of commercial exhibitors, I came across "Lavender Bliss," and there went a quarter of my money. The lavender-scented homemade soap smelled heavenly, and the soapmaker from Eureka assured me it was a good deal. It set me back $5.

I breezed past various displays of dreamcatchers and handmade children's clothes, and booths hawking everything from log homes to kitchen gadgets, and found myself next at a table full of drawings by Columbia Falls native Jeff Camden. He was selling prints of his larger drawings for a mere $5, and told me they'd sell for $100 in a gallery. It seemed like a good deal, but I wasn't sure. I told him I'd need to think about it.

The guy in the next commercial booth overheard me explaining my assignment and quickly reeled me in.

"I'll tell you what your $20 will get you here," said Joe Uzdavinis, who was peddling raffle tickets at the Burton's Satellite booth.

He was such a great salesman I couldn't help but buy a $1 raffle ticket for a 53-inch big-screen TV. My return on that investment remains to be seen.

Fourteen dollars to go.

I stopped at The Crystal Hound display of minerals and crystals and came upon what was easily the most unusual find of the day - petrified snails called ammonites.

"What do you use these for?" I asked owner-designer Becky Thompson.

She explained that the thinly sliced snails can be made into jewelry or can simply be put on display. She often sells them as "lovers' pairs," she said, allowing two mates to each keep a slice of snail.

I thought for a split-second what my husband would think if I presented him with a petrified snail. He'd get a good laugh out of it, but for me it wasn't worth the $6 price tag.

The Expo Building was another hotbed of commercial activity, and there were many opportunities to spend my dwindling dollars.

My first stop was the Flathead Quilters Guild display, where a group of nice women talked me into a $1 raffle ticket for a gorgeous handmade quilt called "Valley Mosaic" that was worth $1,500.

I stopped at several displays where my co-worker, the reporter scooping up all the free stuff, had been, and they seemed excited that I was the one who actually had a few bucks to spend.

"Oh, you're the $20 reporter!" exclaimed a nice man selling stuff for hardwood floors. "Let's see what I have here that's under $20."

The scented candles at the Home Interiors and Gifts booth were a definite maybe, but I told saleswoman Lynda Kenfield that I was contemplating a $5 chair massage in the other building.

"I'll come and light the candle while you get the massage," she joked.

Not a bad idea.

I scooted out the Expo Building and picked up $1 worth of beef jerky and a package of Gummy Worms for $3.50, treats for my kids, although chances are I'll bust open the Gummy Worms on my way home from work tonight.

Eight dollars, 50 cents to go.

I wandered into the carnival area and searched for a game I had always played with my two daughters, the one where you slip tokens into a glass box equipped with a moving squeegee that scrapes prizes and more tokens into a slot, delivering them back to the player. I pulled out $3 for 18 tokens, just for old times' sake, but put it back in my pocket. It didn't seem like much fun to play alone.

It was lunchtime by then, and the possibilities seemed endless. I wasn't that hungry, having eaten free funnel-cake samples being passed out by St. Matthew's School youngsters. Costco had free samples of fruit-and-nut mix, and I had grabbed a cup of that, too.

I decided to try a hand-dipped corndog, the claim to fame of the Bigfork, Eastshore and Polson Lions booth. That and a Pepsi cost me $2.50, and I rounded out my less-than-nutritious meal with some homemade potato salad for a dollar from the VFW Auxiliary booth. It was tasty fair food.

Five dollars left.

In a wild moment I contemplated using what was left of my wad of cash on a mechanical-bull ride set up near the animal barns. Set up by gotbull.com, it offered the ride for $5; I'm not sure if the photo was extra because I didn't stick around long enough to find out.

My well-worn baby-boomer body couldn't have handled it, so I headed to the only place that seemed to make sense after three hours of traipsing around the fairground - a chair massage for $5 at a makeshift massage parlor set up in the commercial building by the Montana Institute of Massage Therapy.

It was my first-ever massage experience, and a tiny young woman named Jessica worked out the kinks. Just when I was thinking she didn't seem big enough to deliver much muscle, she began working my lower back with her elbow - to the point where I thought she'd take out a kidney. Other than that, the massage felt great.

With my muscles smoothed out and my money gone, it was time to call it a day at the fair.

The moral of the story: $20 still can buy a reasonable amount of goods and services at the Northwest Montana Fair. The fun is free.

Features editor Lynnette Hintze may be reached at 758-4421 or by e-mail at lhintze@dailyinterlake.com.