Pile on the free stuff at the fair

I decided it would be smart to take two pens to ensure that I wouldn't miss any details of Thursday's investigative reporting assignment - to nab as much free loot as possible at the Northwest Montana Fair.

I lost one of the pens before I even made it to the fairgrounds and hoped the ink in the remaining pen would hold out.

Of all things to worry about.

I ended up with nine pens and five pencils thrown into a bag loaded with product samples and company paraphernalia.

In fact the first place I hit when entering the north end of the fairgrounds - the Parkside Federal Credit Union table - was giving away pens. And, in case I needed some personal adorning, wristbands. And if I wanted to do a quick rundown on my checkbook, calculators. And lanyards, glow-in-the-dark yo-yos, key rings, plastic foam balls to stick on the end of an antenna, and combination letter opener/business card holders.

It was an obvious case of dueling credit unions. At the very next table, Whitefish Credit Union was giving away cups, toothpick holders, note pads, more pens, lip balm and a real bonus - potholders, a few hundred of which were handmade by Marlys Neisinger.

From those two tables alone, my plastic grocery bag was already filling up quickly. I later became grateful to Northwest Montana Human Resources for their give-away cloth bags, something I stumbled upon about halfway through the tour.

I had expected to use up about 45 minutes on the assignment; it took nearly two hours to hit all the sources for free goods.

And then I found out I even missed a few freebies: a water bottle and a fake American Express credit card, shown to me by a young friend who proudly pulled it out of his wallet after telling me how he'd fooled his younger brother into thinking he had become a real American Express cardholder.

But I still managed to nab a good share of the kind of treasures that money can't buy, including: a New Testament; a straw cowboy hat; a small, plastic, green tambourine; a pencil sharpener ingeniously shaped like a pencil; two tiny plastic fetuses meant to represent a baby in the womb at 11 to 12 weeks; two Montana Grizzly tattoos; a "Fire Burns" bumper sticker from the Richards 2006 campaign; a "Roadless Today … Jobless Tomorrow" bumper sticker from Montanans for Multiple Use; a handmade stamped Christmas gift tag; an American flag on a stick; and assorted odds and ends whose meaning is nebulous.

I didn't want to miss out on the Northwest Montana Fair showpiece giveaway - the Pettyjohn's Water Store headband and feather, worn proudly by fair-going kids since 1960.

Cameron Jensen at the Pettyjohn's booth said the business spends between $2,000 and $3,000 a year on the headbands. Pettyjohn's used to be the place for free water as well, but the business decided not to bring in the 25-gallon jugs this year. People were filling their water bottles in the last few years and Pettyjohn's worried that there could be a liability issue with germ-covered water bottles touching the end of the water spouts.

As far as free food, the RSVP tent was giving away bakery products and coffee, all meant for seniors. Program director Bobbie Kelly said a senior would be anyone over 55, but she wasn't asking for identification and was kind enough to give me, a few years yet from senior status, free coffee. As long as I mentioned where I got it … and how grateful I was for their generosity … and the wonderful work of RSVP in general.

There was also plenty of candy, two bags of peanuts, a box of cereal and a bowl from the City/County Health Department, a few samples of nut mix and a bite-sized piece of beef jerky. Maybe not quite a genuine meal, but enough to sustain a person through another hour at the fair.

I missed out on a few things due to age ineligibility: A Kinderprint Child Identification Kit, with photo, fingerprint and hair samples at the ready in case a child is missing. (The Montana Department of Transportation worker figured I was old enough to keep track of myself.)

I was also denied a bucket ride provided by Flathead Electric Co-operative (the rides were only for children), and was thus not able to get the T-shirt all riders were given afterwards.

The only regret was that the Army booth was not open. My boys had done enough push-ups to earn a couple of small duffel bags the night before, and I was curious about what my more-limited push-up capabilities might yield.

But then again, when prizes are awarded for doing push-ups in front of strangers, I'm not sure that, under the strict rules of investigative journalism, that would qualify as "free."

Reporter Heidi Gaiser may be reached at 758-4431 or by e-mail at hgaiser@dailyinterlake.com.