Color my world, perhaps with Garlic Clove?

Every few years it becomes necessary to spruce up the old house - repaint the walls, change the decor, get new furniture.

At the onset, the project seems so exciting, so full of promise. At the end, it's akin to a root canal.

I should know better than to pore over lavish remodels shown in exquisite splendor in magazines such as Country Home or Country Living. Neither my budget nor my decorating expertise is of Better Homes and Gardens caliber.

And in what universe do these perfectly remodeled homes exist? The ones where the perfect young couple and their two perfect kids are sipping hot chocolate by the perfect fire in their refurbished living room that's just the perfect shade of taupe.

What happens between the before and after pictures at my house just might be the next reality show for TV. We can't even agree on a color scheme.

Suffice to say there are just too many choices out there. Off-white has been twisted into shades such as Queen Anne's Lace, Snow Ballet, Garlic Clove and Moondance and dozens of other variations of, well, off-white.

"Honey, I'm thinking of painting the living room Garlic Clove and Prairie Brush," I informed my husband a few weeks ago.

"What are you talking about?" he inquired with a blank stare.

"Well, Garlic Clove is this pretty shade of off-white, but it's not quite so yellowish as the Queen Anne's Lace," I babbled. "And Prairie Brush is a dusty olive green, sort of, but not quite as olive as Sweet Annie, which is the shade I first thought of…"

"You want to paint our living room white and green?" he asked, his eyes now widening at the prospect of a room the same color as a Forest Service truck, or worse yet, a BP gas station awning.

I need to explain that this is a guy who sees life in primary colors. Fuchsia is purple, chartreuse is green, aqua is blue; the hundreds of different shades in between the basic colors don't exist in his world.

"It'll be pretty. You'll see," I assured him.

"Whatever you want," he said patronizingly.

All of the TV reality shows about redecorating - "Trading Spaces," "Movie and a Makeover," "While You Were Out," "Homes Under the Hammer," "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition" to name a few - haven't helped a bit. If anything, they've added another level of confusion and anxiety to the redecorating process.

My youngest daughter is a "Trading Spaces" junkie, so she's got plenty of ideas about what our living room should look like. She was explaining how a faux wall could be built the other day and then rambled on about window treatments and "ragging" the walls.

But she's in the process of redecorating her own bedroom and is preoccupied with her own domain. She inherited my husband's passion for woodworking (to his credit his shop skills are impeccable) and is making a bed for her high school shop project.

The first coat of Prairie Brush went on the walls last weekend, and I noticed only one visible roll of the eyes when hubby walked through the door. I love it; he'll tolerate it.

Anyone who's ever built a house together knows the give and take that goes into the final product. When we built our first house 20 years ago, we argued for a week over what color of slate to have in front of the fireplace. I wanted tan, he wanted charcoal, or in his world, I wanted brown, he wanted black.

I won.

But these small victories come with a price. My better half said he'll allow the white-and-green living room on one condition - he gets to remodel the kitchen, complete with the oversized gas range he's been drooling over for years.

I hope he'll at least let me pick out the colors. I've got this lovely shade of Belgian Waffle in mind, but we could go with Crocodile Tears or Cinnamon Diamonds…

Features editor Lynnette Hintze may be reached at 758-4421 or by e-mail at lhintze@dailyinterlake.com