Girls experience juvenile-justice system - up close and personal

Michelle, Melissa, Brittany and Kelsey never felt a part of the "in" crowd at school.

"All the preps - I didn't fit in," Melissa said. "I didn't get along. I hated people."

Her words struck a chord with Michelle.

"I didn't fit in, either," she said. "I was in school, and I didn't get it."

Kelsey wonders why someone didn't notice when she began skipping school for weeks at a time.

Brittany said she got expelled during the sixth grade. She has come nearly full circle at the end of her encounter with juvenile justice.

"I'm on the honor roll, and I'm very proud," she said, sparking applause from the audience.

The girls discussed their inside views last week as part of a panel at a Kalispell workshop about girls and juvenile crime. Professionals in the field gathered to examine how the justice system serves young women.

As the girls spoke, they revealed that parental assaults, running away, drugs, alcohol and truancy from school were cries for help. Parents on another panel shared sorrow, guilt and frustration about feeling their children's pain yet failing in their attempts to help.

Kim, Brittany's mom, said she knew early on that her daughter had problems.

"I've been asking for help since she was 2 years old," she said.

Kim got Brittany in therapy during the fifth grade. She recalls how angry she became when the justice system finally put her daughter in Sinopah House.

"I felt I'd been pushed aside as a parent," she said. "Now I see Sinopah House as the best thing in our lives."

Dena, Michelle's mom, blamed herself for her daughter's trouble. She said she got married too early, had six children, then used drugs and alcohol to cope with an abusive spouse.

Dena said she has been clean for seven years. As she reviewed her experience, she said she regretted giving in to her children when she was too tired after work to argue.

She said she is learning to set rules and guidelines and to stay consistent while her daughter focuses on school and adapts to the structured life at Sinopah House.

"I feel hopeful for her," she said.

Kelsey's mom, also named Michelle, said her daughter was new to the criminal justice system but her problems were not new to her.

"In the eighth grade, I started seeing a lonely girl," she said, breaking into tears.

Michelle, now separated from her husband, said she put too much effort into trying to repair her marriage at the expense of her struggling child.

She said she first looked to school counselors for help. But she soon discovered they had too many students to provide social counseling.

Next, she tried dogging her daughter's steps to and from school. Michelle finally got Kelsey in front of a judge who gave her stern warnings, but there was no follow-up.

Kelsey just entered her second month on probation.

"She just turned 16," she said as her voice cracked with emotion. "I'm fighting for my daughter."

Though their stories differed, the girls and their mothers at the workshop viewed the counseling and even the separation imposed by the juvenile justice system as working to change their self-destructive behaviors.

Libby, a probation officer, spoke from the perspective of a mom with a daughter in trouble. Her experience provided solace to parents constantly blamed for their children's problems.

"Nobody's family is perfect," she said. "There is not one soul sitting in this room that doesn't have risk factors."

Libby said she had all the textbooks but couldn't provide the answers to keep her daughter out of trouble. She called it "the weirdest thing" how she couldn't see the same problems in her own child that she dealt with professionally.

She called it a huge humility factor.

Libby spoke of the pain of seeing the most positive thing in her life erode. She admitted to sobbing in school administration offices, looking for answers to her daughter's academic difficulties and problems with other students.

"She was wounded by some queen bees," Libby said.

She said she should have let go sooner and realized that her daughter had her own journey.

"I can't change my daughter," Libby said. "I can just love her."

Reporter Candace Chase may be reached at 758-4436 or by e-mail at cchase@dailyinterlake.com.