That time of year again

The Daily Inter Lake

Happy new year.

It can't be worse than the last one, can it?

Just kidding. Of course it can be worse. It can be a lot worse. Which is why we wish each other a happy new year tonight as if those talismanic words have the power to ward off our worst nightmares.

Another Katrina. Lung cancer. Nuclear blasts in major cities. Polonium cocktails. You name it, there is a chance it will happen. Heck, what about an asteroid pounding the Atlantic Ocean. Talk about climate change! That ought to do the trick.

In fact, when you think about all the things that can go wrong in the next 12 months, right after wishing everybody a happy new year, maybe we should be whistling "Dixie" instead of singing "Auld Lang Syne."

But of course human beings are incredibly resilient. Fact of the matter is, no matter how bad last year was, most of us will be entirely sincere when we look forward with a hope and a smile.

I have one suggestion though. Could we move New Year's Day to something like April 1?

I've never quite understood the need to celebrate the new year at the most inhospitable time of year, when you in fact are likely to be a bit grumpy, not to mention cold. By April 1, you might have seen a tulip break through the cracked earth. There may be only one or two snowstorms left. And the longer, warmer days are bound to put a smile on anyone's face.

The old Romans started their calendar on March 1, which I would be willing to accept in the spirit of compromise. It would also mean that our calendar would make sense again from an etymological point of view. September is named such because it is the seventh month after all, oops ninth! And December is the 10th month, so it has the same root as decade (Hey, when did they make the calendar 12 months long?)

I'm not sure if we can sneak Sextilis back in to the calendar as the sixth month (because of its highly suggestive nature), but we really ought to find room for Quintilis as the fifth month. (There would probably be just as many men named Quint as there are women named June, and it's time that guys had some months to call their own).

As for New Year's resolutions, forget about it.

There is no more reason to do right on Jan. 1 than any other day of the year. You either intend to do the right thing or you don't, and for a lot of reasons, a lot of us don't. Having a couple extra glasses of champagne isn't likely to change that situation for the better.

If you must have a resolution, however, I would stick with the one that Mark Twain came up with in his novel "Pudd'nhead Wilson": "Always do right. This will please some of the people, and surprise the rest."

Happy new year. Really. I mean it.