Graham's a survivor, a champion

The Daily Inter Lake

BILLINGS - It's not easy to make Libby wrestling coach Jay Graham tear up. But there is one story that will do it.

Ask him to recount the story of his son's best friend Steve shaving his head so he could 'be like Jake.'

At the time (1995), Jake Graham and Steve Bertelsen were in day care.

Jake, diagnosed with Burkett's lymphoma, was just 5. Chemotherapy had cost him his hair.

To help the other day care kids understand what was happening to Jake, teacher Renee DeWald found a Charlie Brown video on cancer.

That was the day young Steve went home and informed his mom that Jake had "bugs in his tummy."

The boys remember it, too.

"He didn't have any hair," Bertelsen said. "He's my friend. I went home and asked my mom to shave my head so I could look like Jake," he said.

"Everybody made fun of me. He shaved his head just like me. It helped a lot," Jake said.

"He would have done it for me. We were always together and we looked alike then," Bertelsen added.

Jake survived nine months of aggressive chemotherapy and the two, practically grown men today, are still best friends.

Seniors at Libby High School, both are all-state football players and state champion wrestlers.

They hike, camp, fish, hunt, hang out and play video games - all the things the Grahams wanted for their son.

"Stevie is just like a second son. We call him our middle son," Jake's mom - and Jay's wife - Judy Graham said.

They both love wrestling and football.

Jake got into the sport because "my dad's a coach. It's hard work, but when you win, it's yourself winning. You don't have to rely on anyone."

"When you get out on the mat, it's just you and yourself," Bertelsen agreed. "If you win, it gets your team all fired up. Plus, it's fun to be physical with people."

Jake's diagnosis took awhile.

"He kept throwing up and losing weight. He lost 15 pounds," Jay said.

The Grahams took him to doctor after doctor until the night they wound up in the emergency room.

"Bad incident," is all Jay will say about that night.

At night's end, the doctors decided Jake had a hernia.

The Grahams thought 'Oh, hallelujah!'

The surgery was scheduled to take care of the hernia.

Jake's parents were contentedly playing cribbage and waiting for their boy to go into the recovery room when the doctors dropped the bomb.

Cancer was in his abdomen, his chest and his lymph system.

"Boy, talk about being hit in the head with a sledgehammer," Jay said.

The doctors removed 22 inches of Jake's intestines and set up a treatment program that day.

The family spent the next nine months driving to and from Spokane. They spent nights sleeping on cots at Ronald McDonald House.

Jake would get the chemo, his parents would take him home for a day, then head back to Spokane to get his blood platelets checked.

"They'd zap him, build him up, then zap him again," Judy said.

He also had to have a shot every day. That became a family ritual as Judy would administer the shot and Jay would hold Jake's nose because he didn't like the smell.

"Our community and our family really helped out," she added.

The Libby school district - the Grahams are both teachers - created a sick leave bank for colleagues to donate sick time to the couple, people took time off to drive with them for the treatments, their home was cleaned, their yard work done, and Jay's parents took care of the couple's younger son, Justin.

One of Judy's colleagues, Terri Rowan, took it upon herself to take care of Judy.

"I never wrote a lesson plan or anything. She (Rowan) took care of everything," Judy said.

"Anything she heard I wanted, she took care of."

"For every bad thing, there's always a positive," Jay said. "We met some excellent people."

The treatment cost was staggering - $500,000. One bag of the chemical pumped into Jake's system cost $7,000.

That didn't include any of the other costs - driving, meals, staying over for Jay and Judy.

But the Grahams got the happy outcome so many families don't get.

"It worked. We got the best end of the deal. Best money I ever spent," Jay said.

Today?

"I'm all right," Jake said.

Jake is a strapping 215-pounder - a state champion wrestler at both 189 and 215 pounds. He's also a two-time all-state defensive end with a college football career in his future.

"It's not like he's small and spindly," Jay said with a smile.

Jake did have to have checkups for several years and his white cell is still low, infections can get him down.

"But when he's healthy, he's healthy," Judy said.

"We are so fortunate. We were lucky. There were families who went through just as much or more and they're outcome wasn't as wonderful," Jay said.

"Every time I look at Jacob… there isn't a day goes by I'm not thankful and grateful," Judy agreed.

"You feel guilty because you know other families are fighting for just time," she said.

He's also a pretty good kid.

"We get notes all the time (from his teachers)," Judy said.

He's a good student and he's also well enough liked that the rest of the kids at Libby High School voted him homecoming king this past fall.

"So far, as a parent, you couldn't ask for more," his dad said.

"The most amazing thing in this … we have cherished life in general," Judy said.

According to Judy, Jay has a new saying he's lived by since that time.

"If it can be fixed with time, or if it can be fixed with money, there's nothing really to worry about."