Where singles mingle

Boomers Singles Group marks a decade of having fun

About two years ago, an opportunity to play volleyball weekly lured Melody Domph into her first encounter with Flathead Valley's Boomers Singles Group.

She got as far as the door of the gym at Evergreen Junior High School when she froze as she peeked in at the players.

"I thought 'Oh, my gosh I can't do this,'" she recalled with a laugh.

Always an outgoing and positive person, Domph had survived a string of tragedies in her life, including losing her husband of 35 years about a year earlier. But the daunting prospect of coming out as a single person turned her knees to jelly.

A never-ending string of scary thoughts fired up in her brain, such as "I'm too old, what if people don't like me?"

But then, she saw a friendly looking woman sitting on the sidelines, so Domph somehow mustered up the courage to walk through the door and sit beside her. As the two chatted, Domph's fears lessened.

"Everyone was very welcoming," she said.

Over several more months, she learned that this wasn't some dreadful lonely hearts club - it was single friends sharing common activities and interests with others near their own age.

"This is not a dating group - we're not there to hook you up," she said. "We do things together like hiking, kayaking, skiing, snowshoeing."

As the busy mother of three adopted grandchildren and with grown children with grandchildren, Domph finds the monthly smorgasbord of activities fits her lifestyle.

She still plays volleyball every week and jumps at events that involve dancing. Through club events, she tried kayaking and learned to cross-country ski.

While she doesn't drink, Domph said the singles group has activities for those who enjoy imbibing at occasional wine and cheese parties.

"Every Tuesday, some folks meet for happy hour at Red's," she said.

To fill up their calendar, members meet for a catered dinner once a month at the Village Greens Community Center. People propose events and volunteer to serve as hosts.

Domph has hosted several in her two years with the Boomers, including a Halloween party and after-Christmas bad-gift exchange. Most of the activities take place in the evenings or weekends to fit the schedules of the majority of members.

"A lot of people work, a lot of people are retired and a lot of people are in between," she said.

WITH YOUNGER children at home, Domph, 61, called herself atypical in the group of about 100 single Boomers, defined as people 40 and over. She said the majority are in their 50s but members range in ages from in their 40s to 70.

"It's a mix of people who are either divorced, widowed or never married," she said. "It's about two thirds women and one third men."

The men to women ratio doesn't bother Domph or the other members. Most join just to connect with other people their age or as a way to find friends when they relocate to the valley.

That's why Rick Ryder joined two years ago. He was recently divorced and had just moved here.

"I had no interest in dating people," he said. "I just wanted to get integrated into the area."

His first experience was a monthly meeting where he found the people friendly. As a gregarious person, he quickly met friends as he joined in activities such as movie outings and game nights, which he preferred to athletic adventures.

"Although I'm one of the younger members, I'm more the cerebral type," he said.

Like Domph, Ryder doesn't find the gender imbalance a problem in the activities-based group. He said they have tried events targeted to attract more men with limited success.

"When men get to this age and are single, they tend to hole up," he said. "Women are more social."

Ryder and Domph both serve as contacts for new people inquiring about joining the Boomers Singles Group.

Because the group made such a difference in her life, Domph makes a special effort to get people past their fears to attend an activity. If a person don't show up after an inquiry, she calls back to offer more encouragement.

"I want to help them get into the group," she said. "It just isn't that easy to be single."

Domph remembers carrying around the phone number for about three months before making the call that added so much to her life. In her two years, she has made wonderful friends and has dated within the group.

She remains a single Boomer who hasn't ruled out remarrying, but feels no pressure to find a life partner.

"Who knows if I'll ever meet another wonderful guy?" she said with a smile.

WITH MEN and women mixing, the magic sometimes happens, as Kari Klehm and Mike Collins can attest. The two got married in 2006 after meeting through the group.

Klehm, who divorced many years earlier, echoed a familiar theme about joining the singles group for companionship.

"I wasn't really looking to date," she said. "I was looking for a group of single people I could feel safe with."

She met Collins, a widower, when he joined the club in 2005. Like Ryder, he had joined to get acquainted in a new town.

Klehm and Collins bonded on a car trip with two others to view fall colors in the Yaak. She recalls hoping the day would never end.

"We had dinner together," she recalled. "He turned out to be the nicest man I had ever met."

Their mutual attraction turned into love and marriage about six months later. The couple still participates in some events as alumni members.

Over its 10-year history, the Boomers Singles Group has sparked about 14 marriages and several serious relationships. With new members joining at a rate of about 10 people a month, the fun continues to expand as they bring new ideas and interests.

That's what Domph finds most rewarding.

"It's just so fun to try new things," she said.

Interested singles may pick up a copy of the calendar at the Kalispell Chamber of Commerce or call Domph (253-9249) or Ryder (471-0857). The Boomers Singles Group charges an annual $24 membership fee.

The Web site is www.flathead singles.org.

Reporter Candace Chase may be reached at 758-4436 or by e-mail at cchase@dailyinterlake.com