How to make your man 'want to come home'

HEIDI GAISER

When people rant about the state of the world today and rave about how much better the world used to be before the days of rap music and reality TV, they must be a person of the male persuasion.

I recently received two historical documents that prove that life as a woman back in the "good old days" used to be not always rave-worthy and ever-so-slightly demeaning.

One is a text from a home economics guide used during the 1950s - "The Fascinating Womanhood Way to Welcome a Man When He Comes Home From Work."

There's nothing wrong with following advice to "touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking" in preparation for your husband's homecoming. In fact, one of my earliest memories is of my mother changing into a dress before my father came home from work.

And who can disagree with the "Fascinating Womanhood" overall approach that it is appealing for a person to come home from work to a clean house, a warm welcome and a hot meal. By following this advice, according to the "Fascinating Womanhood" theory of family life, "your husband will want to come home."

But the undercurrent of this 11-point document is that the husband is the only one whose work and concerns matter; the rest of the family members play the roles of servant or are there for ornamental purposes; and if you don't follow a strict procedure and an extensive set of rules every work night, week after week, month after month, year after suffocating year, he won't want to come home.

A few excerpts:

Prepare yourself: "Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. While you are resting, you can be thinking about your 'Fascinating Womanhood' assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift." In other words, clear your mind of interesting thought.

Some don'ts: "Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later." Turn the children into lifeless, personality-free zombies.

Listen to him: "You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later." Suppress, suppress, suppress.

Make the evening his: "Try to understand his world of strain and pressure: his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back." Visualize yourself as a doormat.

In summary: "Try living these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation."

OK, so no worries for the poor housebound 1950s female, threatened with abandonment should she fail to, upon her husband's homecoming, "Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice."

But should she receive her just deserts, she can still enter the working world, where she will undoubtedly thrive if she is young and "husky," according to the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine's 11 tips on how to "get more efficiency out of women employees."

The contents of this article cannot be forgiven in any way, mostly because the "tips" make women sound like draft horses. In fact, you could substitute the word "Clydesdale" in place of "women" or "girl," and it would still make sense.

Some excerpts:

. "When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time. Older women … have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy."

. "General experience indicates that 'husky' girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters."

. "Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions."

. "Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology."

. "Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit."

. "Get enough size variety in uniforms so each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy."

It is hoped that, back in the day, plenty of people found this advice for and about women just as laughable as we do now.

And some were obviously offended enough to make sure things changed for women. Otherwise I'd be moving from one job to another each work day, because as a woman, I'm "inclined to be less nervous and happier with change."

Reporter Heidi Gaiser may be reached at 758-4431 or by e-mail at hgaiser@dailyinterlake.com