Family Concepts fosters good parenting

When parents lose their children to foster care, Family Concepts serves as a lifeline to keep families connected.

"It matters to us that families stay together," Marcia Tharp, site supervisor, said. "We've worked really hard to develop programs that empower parents."

In 2008, Family Concepts consolidated its Kalispell services by moving into a new, larger house. The staff also recently co-sponsored, along with Montana's Department of Health and Human Services, a celebration of the organization's 100th adoption.

Founded in 1999, Family Concepts initially filled a need for safe, monitored visits between parents and their children in foster care. Since then, the organization has expanded to provide an array of services to prevent child abuse and neglect with a goal of family reunification.

Tharp describes the organization's approach to parents as strength-based.

"We identify their strengths and areas where they need to build skills," she said.

When families can't come back together, the staff has specialists who assist when the state determines the children need to move from foster to new "forever" homes.

Tharp said that happens when parents are not willing or not able to do what they need to do to provide a safe home.

In some cases, the parents can't heal from their addictions in the time frame required by state and federal policies. In other situations, a client can't stabilize mental-health issues enough to care for a child.

"Two years ago, the state had a huge backlog of adoptions," Tharp said.

She said the state simply doesn't have the manpower to handle the voluminous paperwork and home studies to quickly finalize placements. With help from Family Concepts' adoption specialist Donna Taylor, the state hit its landmark 100th adoption in this area.

Along with Kalispell, the organization has sites in Eureka, Libby, Thompson Falls, Polson, Missoula and Hamilton. Family Concepts employees provide a huge array of services from visits and decision-making groups to drug and alcohol testing, foster parent and adoption support.

All the services focus on nurturing healthy homes for children devastated by abuse and neglect. Demand for these services shows no signs of abating.

According to Tharp, the active family caseloads average 28 to 30. In 95 percent of the cases, substance abuse plays a major role in the breakdown of the family.

Methamphetamines, cocaine, heroin and prescription drug abuse contribute to the heartbreak.

"Probably the biggest problem is alcohol abuse," Tharp said.

Domestic violence and physical and sexual abuse become part of a familiar pattern associated with substance abuse. When the situation reaches a breaking point, law enforcement and the state division of Child and Family Services intervene.

When children are removed, parents receive a referral to Family Concepts for supervised visits. It's an emotionally charged time for the family.

"A lot of them are angry, but really it's fear," Tharp said. "They miss their children horribly and they're really distraught."

Family Concepts offers parents an opportunity to participate in a group making decisions about their children. "It's a forum for parents to stay involved, stay connected and know what's happening with their case," she said. "It's really a collaborative process that supports the family."

Tharp, who holds a master's degree, takes a nonjudgmental view of her clients.

She said many of them grew up in poverty and as victims of substance abuse, domestic violence and neglect. Their clients had no positive role models for successful parenting.

"You can't give what you didn't get," Tharp said.

During visits between parents and children at Family Concepts' River Road home, a trained observer takes notes as families spend quality time doing activities such as art projects or cooking a meal together in the home's spacious kitchen.

According to Tharp, many parents need to learn to communicate with their children as children rather than peers. As an example, staff encourage parents not to discuss their legal cases during visits.

"They learn to take responsibility for family problems rather than dumping them on their children," she said.

In parenting classes, their clients learn about nutrition, budgeting and many other issues such as alternatives to corporal discipline. These concepts provide a revelation to some parents.

"We have people say, 'I can't believe you don't have to spank your children,'" Tharp said.

She said the staff puts a lot of emphasis on teaching communication skills to parents. They explain that children under 8 have difficulty articulating their feelings so the parent must listen carefully.

Compounding these normal problems, Tharp said that a high percentage of these youngsters have challenging behaviors that cause conflict in their family as well as in school.

"A lot of the kiddos we deal with had prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol," she said.

Such exposure may cause developmental delays in which a child behaves much younger than his or her chronological age. She said an 8-year-old may act like a 3-year-old.

Toddlers often have language delays triggering frustration for both parent and child.

"We help parents learn simple sign language so they have a way to communicate," Tharp said.

Although these youngsters may have limited ability to learn and process information, she said it's possible to find ways to help maximize their potential. Tharp has personal experience through her four adopted children.

"I have my own longitudinal study," she said with a laugh. "I have four challenged children who are wonderful, artistic and creative."

Along with her parenting experiences, Tharp has taken 400 hours of training in fetal alcohol spectrum disorders - training she shares through Family Concepts by giving training sessions across the valley.

Tharp gives teachers some simple strategies to deal with problems such as pushing and shoving in line. She suggests having these students stand first or last in line or finding alternatives to lining up.

Along with Tharp, the Family Concepts Kalispell site employs two other staffers for family support work, four in drug testing and two to run the family decision-making program. She believes they help state officials in keeping families together.

"I came from the state of Oregon," she said. "In Montana, a higher percentage of families re-unify. It's probably because we have such a great support system."

As a private nonprofit group, Family Concepts receives funding from contracts, grants and donations.

Reporter Candace Chase may be reached at 758-4436 or by e-mail at cchase@dailyinterlake.com.