Tech support for the clueless

It seems that the first thing you are asked when you call tech support for a computer, for instance, is a very basic insulting question such as whether the computer is plugged in or if you've tried restarting it.

But I'm sure that they've had so many people call who haven't tried these obvious steps that the tech-support people never feel it is unwarranted to bring them up.

Even people with enough intelligence to, say, write a bi-weekly column and do other assorted tasks for a mid-size daily newspaper have had their moments of great technological stupidity.

I made an upgrade this week to a new TracFone, the sort of cell phone that you pay for by the minute. My old phone was sent off to a wrestling camp in Missoula with my youngest son, and since I had moments of uncertainty over problems with its on/off button (and its clunky design was the very height of uncool), I found a new sleeker TracFone that also opens and closes, just like those used by all the cool people.

When I first tested the ring, it seemed strangely muted, so I turned the volume up to maximum bars. I tried it again, it seemed OK that time, but then when I gave it another test call the next day, I couldn't hear it at all. I did receive the message that I had missed my call to myself, which was too bad because I'm sure it was important.

I looked through the instruction manual, and nowhere was there a troubleshooting entry that said "if your phone doesn't ring …" I plugged it in to see if that made a difference, called myself again, and this time, it was full-on, annoying-cell-phone-ring-in-public loud.

And, I realized, the phone was closed at the time. That was the big secret - of which probably everyone else on the planet is aware - some phones don't ring when open.

Sadly, this was not an isolated incident.

. In March my family and I were in Walla Walla, Wash., staying in accommodations of the "budget" category for a soccer tournament. A few of the other families had trouble with their rooms, including one mother who said her hair dryer wasn't working.

I tried mine the next morning. It wasn't working either, so the owner said he would come by to solve the problem.

It took a while for anyone on his staff to get there - they were very busy, and when they did finally show up, it was when I had left the room for a few minutes. This was good or I might have been hurt by the manager's son, who was under some stress when he stopped by.

When he showed up, he took the highly mechanical step of - drum roll - plugging the dryer in. The dryer was suspended well above the plug-in and because someone else had said her dryer wasn't working, I had become a victim of the power of suggestion and didn't investigate further when the "on" switch failed.

. For a long time, we thought the occasional beeping sound on our cordless phone at home was a signal that the battery was starting to wind down. Then my mother was staying with us once, and said she didn't know we had call waiting. The funny thing was, neither did we.

I had a vague memory of signing up for it as part of a new service package, but it had slipped my mind.

. I had always been unhappy that the back hatch on the Honda CR-V could only be opened with a key on the exterior door. Then one night, about four years after we purchased the CR-V, I was getting into the vehicle of a friend who had the same model.

She pushed a button, hidden to the left and below the steering wheel, and, miracle of miracles, the back hatch popped open. I then found the same button on my own CR-V. Maybe those manuals aren't just there to take up half the glove box.

. Not long after my husband and I moved into the first house we ever purchased in Arvada, Colo., we kept hearing this obnoxious beeping near the furnace. My husband called the furnace repairman - he made a house call and immediately said, "You need new batteries in your smoke detector."

So when you are insulted by the "experts" who ask what seem to be silly questions, don't take it personally. There are those before you who have created this sad state of affairs.

Reporter Heidi Gaiser may be reached at 758-4431 or by e-mail at hgaiser@dailyinterlake.com