New book 'a step for healing'

“The most important question in the world is, ‘Why is this child crying?’”

— Alice Walker, author of “The Color Purple”

The answer to that question sometimes is a hurt too painful to put into words. Abuse, especially sexual abuse, has destroyed countless lives and perpetuated a cycle of abuse that will not be easily broken.

It’s a shockingly common crime, and because it is so painful, one that often remains a secret.

But a new book by local authors is forcing the subject into the open so that people might honestly acknowledge the problem and work for its eradication.

“Sins of the Father” by Ron and Carren Clem and Colleen St. Pierre shares the stories of three families torn apart by abuse.

It’s the second book for the Clems, who shared Carren’s story of addiction to methamphetamine and the effect it had on her family, including her father, Ron, in “Loss of Innocence.”

St. Pierre has known the Clems for 25 years, was there during Carren’s addiction and recovery, and helped Ron Clem revise his first manuscript.

Their new book was born out of a group that formed when the Clems and a mother who had lost her daughter to meth decided to do something to help families.

Teens in Crisis meets Thursdays, and while people’s circumstances are different, the stories share a common theme: These families’ children are making destructive decisions and ruining their lives through drugs, alcohol, promiscuity and other dangerous behaviors.

Families share their stories at Teens in Crisis meetings, and Clem was struck by how many youths in those stories had been abused. The teenagers had given up on life because they never had felt valued or respected.

“Someone needed to tell their stories in a way so that it would not happen again,” Clem said.

They didn’t ask for their stories to be told, he said. Even after they agreed to speak and Clem and St. Pierre showed them a rough draft, it took a few months for the families to respond. Living the story was one thing; seeing it in print was another.

But in the end, three families agreed to let their stories be published. Their names, locations and some events have been changed in “Sins of the Father” to protect the storytellers, who decided the message was more important than their discomfort.

“It was important to those families that their stories were told,” St. Pierre said.

They wanted to help end the cycle of abuse, she explained, but they also needed a way to work through the horror they had experienced.

“The pain is so deep. People don’t know how to share that and don’t want to share that pain,” St. Pierre said.

“It’s a venture toward freedom,” Clem added, as St. Pierre nodded in agreement.

“It was definitely a step for their healing,” she said.

The book already has begun to offer steps toward healing for many readers, St. Pierre said.

“We both have had people who have come to us and said, ‘Thank you for writing my story,’ or ‘This could have been my story,’” she said. “It’s amazing how widespread” child abuse is.

Unless someone, such the Clems and St. Pierre, take a stand, it may continue to be widespread. Evidence suggests that children who were abused grow up to be abusers, a theory Clem confirmed both in his years as a Los Angeles police officer before moving to the Flathead Valley and also in interviews with pedophiles for the book.

“Every one of them was abused,” he said.

The book urges parents to do everything they can to keep their children safe. It includes a list of qualities to strive for at home and signs of sexual abuse in children. The book also lists warning signs of sexual offenders.

And while the book seems dark and depressing, Clem said he believes there is hope that the cycle of abuse can be broken. Talking about it is the key, he said.

“I think if it’s thrown out there and people look at it, people are going to say we have an ally here,” he said.

St. Pierre agreed.

“I think the more that stories like this are out, it will make people realize [child abuse] is not a secret any more,” she said. “We can’t violate one another.”

“Sins of the Father” is available at Borders, through Tate Publishing at www.tatepublishing.com, and at other online outlets.

On the Web:

www.teensncrisis.org

Reporter Kristi Albertson may be reached at 758-4438 or by e-mail at kalbertson@dailyinterlake.com