'Pleasure Vineyard' - A new American dream

I have a dream. A dream where Congress and the president are on perpetual vacation.

Most Americans might be outraged that Obama is spending well over $50,000 a week eating designer ice cream cones on Pleasure Vineyard while Congress watches the country economically implode from behind the wheel of a golf cart, but I say let them play and eat ice cream… while we “eat our peas.” After all, Washington deserves to have plenty of time frolicking on the golf course while the rest of us are just scraping by.

And why not? Our president works hard at golf and vacation, not to mention dancing the night away at $35,000-a-plate celebrity fundraisers. But because most foreclosed jobless Americans in fly-over country live on cup ramen and Kraft macaroni, they have no idea how Washington hardly works for the American people.

I have a dream…

I dream that one day in America our children will be free to sell lemonade in a heat wave without 3,742 pages of draconian regulation. But its going to take an honest-to-goodness bipartisan effort to send Washington on permanent vacation.

Imagine there’s no Obama. It isn’t hard to do. No Federal Reserve to “grow” us. And no Pelosi, too.

Imagine: If Hollywood donated just 10 percent of their proceeds to keep the politicians eating, drinking and golfing, we could rid the capital of self-serving politicians in less time than it would take Nancy Pelosi to use the phrase “American people” in a sentence. Think of it as a “fair share” tax on Hollywood. In return, Hollywood would have the rights to one hell of a reality show!

Oh, it would be hard at first for Harry and Nancy to cope living on Pleasure Vineyard with no press conferences to demagogue and no midnight budget deals to foam and froth over, but they will get used to it. And I’m sure we will too.

Pleasure Vineyard could even become a national monument. Just think of all the revenue it would generate! Like a self-sustaining corrupt magical kingdom, there would even be a life-size statue of Joe Biden with floppy ears and a donkey tail to greet the ferry boats full of terrorists, I mean tourists, as they disembark. Of course, you would be subject to TSA groping and/or high resolution Big Sis scanners that see right through your clothes, but hey, that’s a small price to pay to keep the politicians from mandating unconstitutional satanic legislation.

Pleasure Vineyard souvenir shops could sell limited edition miniature jackass-the-politician statues to send to friends and family back home! Like the Beanie Baby craze, political inaction figures in each branch of government would be highly collectable in sets. And once McDonald’s realizes the potential of miniature grimacing Pelosi figures in Happy Meals, factories in China could revive the global economy in less than 24 hours with the kind of simple supply-and-demand economics that Washington has long since forgotten.

Like Neville Chamberlain, history often tests ignorance in an attempt to produce wisdom. And like Neville, Joe Biden has been treading water among sharks in Beijing, trying to assure nervous Chinese banks that McDonald’s will indeed put those miniature grimacing Pelosi figures in Happy Meals before the November elections as a way of keeping the Tiananmen Republic from foreclosing on our mortgage.

But other than Happy Meal toys in China, Washington has failed to produce anything remotely resembling wisdom. So keeping the politicians satiated on Pleasure Vineyard eating frozen yogurt is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to help history along.

But federal rot has already started from the root hairs of U.S. postal insolvency right up the trunk of bankrupt Big Government. We must act quickly if we are going to save the nation. So go to your phone right now and dial 1-800-jackass. Operators are standing by. Think how democracy revived could inspire the world for generations to come to “keep Pleasure Vineyard National Monument as a special preserve for the politicians.” And don’t forget… our representatives desperately need quality time on the golf course.

Yes, I have a dream. Every dollar you give could keep Congress on extended vacation. So give pleasure a chance and donate generously. Remember, the politician you send away on permanent vacation just may be your own!

Robert Seymour is a resident of Kalispell.