How to relieve grief at holidays time

 If you or your family is facing loss and major life transitions, the holidays may represent one of the most difficult times of the year.

The lights, music, gifts and festivities may seem out of synch with the feelings of those who are grieving and trigger painful memories.

Tamarack Grief Resource Center offers tips for those who are approaching the holidays after suffering a loss of a loved one, or find themselves moving through difficult transitions.

These tips were written and developed by Tina Barrett, executive director; Carrie Thiel, Flathead program director; and social worker Melanie Trost.

1. Clarify priorities and reduce stress. Resist overextending or over-committing. Shift the focus to things that are important to you and your family. Re-evaluate holiday traditions and discuss how to keep those you find meaningful in ways that help alleviate grief.

2. Take care of yourself. What could bring you a bit of comfort, peace or beauty? A bubble bath or long walk? Listening to your favorite music or visiting a cafe? Do things that are especially meaningful to you.

Eat well, drink plenty of water, get enough sleep, exercise and spend time with supportive others. Finding a creative outlet for all your feelings can be very helpful — write, draw, sew, photography, cooking, etc.

3. Create space to honor your grief and your pain. Do whatever helps — talk with others about your loved one and your experience, cry, write, look at photos, play music, or visit special places. Clarify your needs and allow yourself to lean on others.

4. If you are a parent, think of your children’s needs. Bring your children into the holiday planning and make it positive for them. Include them in your grieving activities. Talk and listen to them. When asked directly, kids often have clear ideas about how they wish to acknowledge people they care about who are not present during the holidays.

5. Do something for someone else. Great pleasure can come from helping others. If you have the energy, sort out old clothes and household items and donate them to a shelter, group home or thrift store; or donate food to the food bank. Bake cookies for or write a note to a friend.

If your grief feels overwhelming, ask for help from loved ones or professional care givers, including Tamarack Grief Resource Center.

In Kalispell, contact Carrie Thiel at 261-0724, or visit the website tamarackgriefresourcecenter.org.