Decision-making for youths extends to social media

After a family doctor delivered Mac Bledsoe's first child in 1972, he imparted a piece of advice that Bledsoe never forgot.

The doctor told them “Kids, this little guy is not yours. He never has been and never will be. He has a will of his own. He is just on loan for 18 years,” Bledsoe told a group of business professionals and parents Thursday.

Bledsoe was a guest speaker for the Success in the New West Conference at Flathead Valley Community College. He spoke on the topic, “Raising Children in the Technology Age.”

The doctor also told the Bledsoes that their son, not them, would make important decisions for himself as he grew up. As children become teenagers, Bledsoe said, they are making all the critical decisions involving drugs, sex, alcohol, technology and social media on their own.

Bledsoe said the parents’ role — by teaching beliefs, morals, values, ethics and responsibility — is to educate their children well enough to make informed decisions on their own.

“All of the big decisions when they make them — sorry — you ain’t going to be there,” Bledsoe said. “They are going to make decisions from the ideas in their head, and if they haven’t been taught anything by their parents, they will make decisions by the next loudest voice, their peers.”

The first of five rules Bledsoe gives to parents reads: “End any criticism with a positive statement of expected behavior.”

“The trap is telling them what not to do,” Bledsoe said and yelled, “Don’t kick elephants. Now, what do you have in your head right now, an image of kicking an elephant, right? You have not one clue what I might want you to do.”

When it comes to technology, Bledsoe said it is futile to rely on filters or monitoring software. He considers himself a technology dinosaur, yet he is able to override some monitoring software.

“You’ve got to put the filter in their head,” Bledsoe said.

Parents should explain and name consequences of actions, such as when a child makes a decision to hit “send” in any social media. The child should understand it will be a permanent document linked to them.

He used drugs as another example.

“If a child used a controlled substance, they are a ‘minor in possession of a controlled substance,’ a felony. Tell them that. What’s a felony? A felony is a crime with a minimum sentence of one year,” Bledsoe said.

In addition to Internet filters, taking away every technological device does not work, either, because children will find other places where devices are available, he said.

What works is responsibility, he said. He illustrated this by giving an example of learning to ride a bicycle.

“If you fell off, your parents didn’t come over and yell at you or take your bike away,” Bledsoe said. “They probably put a Band-Aid on your knee, got you back on the bike and gave another shove. Put the handlebars in their hands and run alongside them for a while. Make them responsible and give feedback.”

To wrap up the session, he said modeling the behaviors parents teach is key to effective parenting. Applying the Golden Rule is a tried-and-true approach, according to Bledsoe.

Bledsoe is founder of Parenting with Dignity, a nonprofit organization established in 1996 to provide parenting education.

For more information about Bledsoe’s program, visit www.parentingwithdignity.com.

Reporter Hilary Matheson may be reached at 758-4431 or by email at hmatheson@dailyinterlake.com.