One fine day with mom to cherish
The train was running five hours late when I stepped onto the depot platform in Fargo, N.D., two weeks ago and immediately knew I was home.
As I dragged my luggage through a chipper crowd gathered in the morning sunlight, these North Dakotans and Minnesotans were taking Amtrak’s lateness in stride, as expected.
The first comment I heard, spoken in classic “Minnesotan,” was this: “Oh ya, well you know, it could be worse.” That’s true, I thought to myself. We could have been 10 hours late.
My annual Memorial Day weekend sojourn had a specific purpose this time around. Mom’s driving days had been declared history by both her doctors and her children. It was time to take the car keys away.
Her memory loss is progressing, and some time ago my mother had confessed to not finding her way home one time last year when she lost track of time and it got dark. It was easy to sideline her Buick during the winter months, but when she began suggesting she needed her car back this spring, we needed a plan.
I told her I was in desperate need of a different vehicle, and that she’d be doing me a big favor by letting me buy her car and drive it back to Montana. To sweeten the deal, my youngest daughter, Deanna, flew in from Bozeman to visit Grandma and help with the driving on the return trip. Mom is especially fond of Deanna because they are kindred spirits who love to quilt and tinker with crafts, so it was a wonderful diversion having her there.
Our strategy worked, and in the end Mom seemed more than willing to give up her wheels.
It was a joy for three generations to spend time together, even if Mom won’t remember many of the details. She flourished amid the female companionship. Two of my three brothers live in the area, but they’re often short on time and patience. They’re doing the best they can, but their hectic pace can send mom into a tailspin.
My daughter and I had one especially glorious day when we took Mom shopping for clothes. In her frail condition, she rarely has the opportunity to shop for new things because there’s no one to help her in the dressing room and she doesn’t have the stamina to go from store to store.
After a marathon session at Herberger’s, Mom found a few things she liked and was so pumped up she was ready for a second round of shopping and we hit it again. She treated us to lunch at one of her favorite spots, Perkin’s, and the look of contentment on her face will linger in my mind forever. She had her girls and was happy.
In fact, she was so overjoyed with our company that she declared at Perkin’s she wanted to buy an entire pecan pie. You have to know my very frugal mother to realize what an indulgence this was on her part. This is the same person who divided a Snicker’s candy bar in six pieces for dessert when we were growing up.
Once we got back to her apartment that late afternoon, Mom made coffee, cut up the pie and took special pleasure in serving us. She was in her element, doting on others as she’s spent a lifetime doing.
It’s difficult to get past the guilt of not being there for her every day. Living so far away is at times agonizing, and time continues to rob her of her memory. I have to remind myself to savor those special moments, like a simple day of shopping.
In the scope of things, those are the times to cherish.
Features editor Lynnette Hintze may be reached at 758-4421 or by email at lhintze@dailyinterlake.com.