You've got (my) mail (and dog!)

The Flathead County Sheriff’s Office was called in on a situation strikingly similar to “Single White Female” when a woman reported her roommate had taken her mail, clothes, and dog. She was advised to move.

A report of people screaming that sounded like trapped children turned out to be a significantly lesser situation when the person who called it in found the source — a pair of caterwauling cats fighting on Tamarack Woods Drive in Lakeside.

“One lonely cow” was reported walking toward Montana 206 on Sullivan Crossroad.

An oblivious drunk driver was reported flying down Montana 35 in a pickup truck, leaving behind a trail of beer cans that fell out of the back.

A mattress desperately seeking freedom achieved a short-lived success when it fell off the back of a vehicle on the highway only to be struck by another vehicle.

An avian assassination attempt on Fifth Avenue West was reported to the Kalispell Police Department after a passerby saw two teenage boys shoot a wing off a magpie with what was believed to be a pellet gun as they drove by.

A pair of successful prepubescent fishermen were counseled about park rules against fishing after they were seen having caught two fish while fishing at Woodland Park.

In what looked like the real-life version of a “children at play” sign, an unattended toddler was reported playing with a soccer ball on North Meridian Road, kicking it into traffic then running into the road to recapture it.

A spirited game of Frisbee golf involving a group of teenagers led to a report of “whooping and hollering” in a U.S. 93 North parking lot.

A miffed motorist called to complain about an officer driving a motorcycle on the sidewalk on Liberty Street at North Meridian Road.

An officer was unable to locate the owner of a car at Lawrence Park after noticing a glass marijuana pipe in plain view, along with a plastic baggie containing an unknown substance, and a lighter. He also saw a glass jar with the Apple logo etched on it.

The Whitefish Police Department was brought into a falling out between friends when a woman reported receiving a text from an employee she had recently fired saying the ex-employee was going to punch her in the face. She did not believe the woman would follow through, but wanted it recorded. When an officer spoke with the ex-employee, she apologized and said she would not continue with her behavior. She said the two had been friends for 20 years, but that she would not contact the other woman again.

A protective parent contacted the Columbia Falls Police Department to report their daughter’s boyfriend — who was released from prison two years ago — was back on methamphetamine and had held the daughter hostage two weeks ago.

A man was advised to stop calling and harassing his ex and told that a restraining order was on its way after the ex reported that he had been driving by her house and texting her all day. She had already obtained the restraining order, but it had not been served yet.