911: Remember, it's for real emergencies

 The Flathead County Sheriff’s Office received a call Monday from an elderly Bigfork woman who stated that she had just seen the ubiquitous “Life Alert” commercial on TV. The woman was calling to make sure 911 worked, because if it did, she figured she wouldn’t need a private emergency service. No word on what 911 dispatch thought about the call, but we can imagine.

A woman called officers to report a cow that had its head stuck in a fence on U.S. 93 North. Officers observed a herd of cattle nearby, several of which were eating the grass on the other side of the fence. None of the cows were stuck, but according to the officer, “apparently the grass IS greener on the other side of the fence.”

A green and white dirtbike was reported on Eighth Avenue East for “popping wheelies” Monday morning.

A woman locked herself in her neighbor’s bathroom and was destroying things, according to the Lakeside caller.

A man dropped a manila envelope containing about $1,400 in cash in a Bigfork supermarket parking lot sometime on Sunday evening. The man wanted to know if anyone had found it and turned it in, but no good Samaritans had showed up with the money.

A woman drove through a Columbia Falls drive-through while drinking a Coors Light on Monday afternoon. According to the caller, the woman also had a baby in the vehicle.

A road rage incident was reported on Wisconsin Avenue on Monday afternoon, when a man marched up to the caller’s vehicle and told him to “get out of the car.”

A man riding his bike on Third Avenue West North had two dogs, a black Lab and a border collie-type, chase him. The man stated he had to kick one of the dogs in the face to prevent it from biting him.

A road rage incident was reported near Peaceful Drive.

A woman thought she’d caught someone trespassing on her property on videotape in Marion, but the footage wasn’t clear enough to distinguish a suspect.

A Hungry Horse woman received a strange phone call Monday evening. The person who called her yelled at her, saying, “This is your neighbor and you need to stop watching me and my wife through the windows.” The woman said she knows her neighbors on both sides and it was not them. When officers tried to call the number back, it was not a working number.

A woman got very aggressive at a Kalispell beauty salon Tuesday afternoon, according to the Kalispell Police Department. The woman had missed her appointment earlier Tuesday morning and was upset when the salon wouldn’t accomodate her. According to the caller, the woman tried to throw herself off the steps because she was refused service. The salon asked officers to inform the woman that she is no longer welcome there.

A woman called police to report a dead bunny behind her apartment on Third Street West. According to the caller, the bunny had its ears ripped off. She wanted a sheriff to respond with a gun to “put all the bunnies down so they don’t have to suffer.” The woman also stated that if that was not possible, she would like for the sheriff to call a person in Helena to “at least poison all the bunnies so they don’t have to suffer if no one will shoot them.”

Criminal mischief was reported when someone’s car was egged on First Avenue East North sometime Monday night.

An irate passenger was kicked off of a bus on Sunny View Lane on Monday.

A woman called police because her neighbor’s large dog had relieved himself on her lawn on Farview Drive.

Police were called to a home on Liberty Street, where the caller stated that a red vehicle has been parked in front of their mailbox “every day, all day” with the subjects either inside or out near the vehicle. The caller believed that the subjects were possibly using marijuana, as they “appear to be high all the time.”

A naughty neighbor was reported on Jackson Peak Drive for flipping her neighbor’s children off and shooting them with water guns while they were jumping on their trampoline.

A two-car accident stalled traffic on U.S. 93 North on Tuesday afternoon near the Commons Way intersection.

A stray cat in the area attacked a woman’s kittens and her daughter, according to a call from Eighth Avenue West on Tuesday.

A naughty neighbor was reported from First Avenue West on Tuesday morning after he reportedly called the neighbor’s children a bad name. The man was spoken to by police.

Columbia Falls Police received a call from a woman on Ninth Street West who wanted to report a man who’d been sleeping in his vehicle in the area. She wanted him told he could not live in his car in Columbia Falls; however police advised her there was not much they could do. The woman also said that the man had told her “he wants to be left out of the system and be somewhere no one knows him.”

An officer received a walk-up complaint about young kids in an alleyway using obscenities near Fourth Avenue West.

Whitefish Police received a call about a deer that was struck by a vehicle on Hospital Way on Monday.

A vacant house on Columbia Avenue with its doors open has been causing trouble for a neighbor, who said that people are coming in and out in the middle of the night and drinking there as well as vandalizing the property.

A man was reported trying to steal bowling balls from a U.S. 93 South business.

A happy citizen called to let law enforcement know that he had seen a deer on Baker Avenue early Tuesday morning, and “it was magnificent.”