A life dedicated to love

 More than 10,000 people have come to Robin Riley in their last days, including her own parents. Considering her motto is “all about love,” she can’t help but turn tragedies into enriching learning experiences for everyone she meets.

But after 30 years as the hospice director and nurse of Home Options Hospice, Riley has decided to retire in early March, leaving the hospice in the very capable hands of her staff.

Part of her longevity in the position can be attributed to her free spirit and penchant for learning from everyone she runs across.

“It’s such a gift to be able to come into these people’s lives at such a poignant, special time,” Riley said. “To be a part of their journey: That is just so personal, so heartfelt.”

Before she came back to Kalispell, her medical career started in the Bay area. It was at a children’s hospital in Stanford, Calif. where she got her first brush with terminal patients.

Riley, as a chemotherapist, gleaned much from her time with these warriors of the cancer ward.

“They were wise old souls teaching me about life,” she said. “It gave me a real sense of purpose. They were in positions of no fear and were teaching everyone that was taking care of them.”

Riley fell in love with each of them, making each untimely death painful, despite the patients’ youthful optimism.

The native of Kalispell (Flathead class of 1967), left California and got a job at North Valley Hospital in the early ’80s.

Several months later, she read a wanted ad in The Daily Inter Lake for a hospice director at Flathead Hospice Project. The project had been founded in 1979 with one paid staff person.

Today, with staff nurses, a volunteer coordinator and even a chaplain, Home Options has expanded far beyond its humble beginnings. Still, Riley said her job wouldn’t have been possible without generous community members.

“Volunteers are just essential for this hospice,” she said. “They are truly the heart of hospice. They give such relief, such respite. They truly become part of the family.”

When she joined the Flathead Hospice Project in September 1983, resources and volunteers were in short supply.

After six years of scrambling to raise money for hospice services, Riley needed to find a better way.

“We just couldn’t do any more bake sales and Art in the Parks,” she said. “So we went to the hospital and asked if they would be so kind as to take us on.”

Kalispell Regional Hospital agreed quickly, and the hospice has been an organ of the larger hospital since 1989. Riley helped get Home Options (the name change came after the partnership with KRH) up to Medicare certification standards in 1995. 

It takes a special kind of person to work with the dying, and Riley is nothing if not special.

“I’ve learned to live in the moment,” she said. “I’m thankful for every moment I’m alive. I’m so much more aware of the trees, the weather, the people. The most important thing we have in our lives is the love that we have.”

Riley’s kindness and soft touch in her voice has brought peace to thousands of grieving families. Not one person she has helped in their last days has lamented about how little they worked. Instead, their thoughts turn to family, friends, pets, hobbies and good memories.

“I’m going to miss the relationships the most, the heartfelt relationships,” Riley said. “I fall in love too easily. I fall in love over the telephone. It’s a reflection of all the relationships I’ve established in my time here.”

She is adamant that hospice care can be a healing time for families. She would know, as both her parents went through Home Options in their last days.

“My dad and I went through a time of difficulty, and hospice brought us back together,” Riley said. “It helped me to be totally open with them and just being up front. There isn’t time to beat around the bush.”

Her husband was a counselor at Home Options until last year, when he retired. Riley admits she’s a little jealous of his retired life, so she is closing the book on 30 years as director.

“I’m ready to be in the moment,” she said. “I want to be out skiing and enjoying my husband. He’s having the time of his life.”

As for the hospice, Riley is confident in her staff. She did hire and groom them to run a tight ship, after all. 

But all things must pass.

“They’ve been going through anticipatory grief,” she said of her staff. “But they are used to that sort of thing.”

Reporter Ryan Murray may be reached at 758-4436 or by email at rmurray@dailyinterlake.com.