OPINION: Civility is not a four-letter word, so listen and learn

There is a big blue book that hibernates on my bookshelf — “Eti-quette” by Emily Post. It is dusted off when my son needs a 5-inch boost, and when I need to polish my manners. The latter happened recently when I unintentionally hurt the feelings of someone I value by being careless with my words. 

No one is immune from using unkind words or actions. We all have examples when we have treated someone with disrespect. If we say something we regret, we apologize and hope for forgiveness.

Civility appears to be declining in recent years. Too often, cruel words are intentional. We disagree so violently that respect flies out the window.

It does not have to be this way.

As Montanans, our commonalities often outweighs our differences. We believe in the importance of hard work and an honest living, and in the power of our communities. We believe that Montana is an unmatched place to live, work, and play.

Seeing each other for who we truly are is the first step to finding that gracious place where civility is created.

Next comes listening — entering a conversation with an open-mind and suspending our judgment.

When we’re yelling at each other, we can’t hear the message under the words. We can’t find common ground or work together to make our community better.

Listening is hard work. As I re-read that big blue book, I’m reminded that I have to concentrate, be present, show that I understand, and ask questions if I don’t.

It is work worth doing if it brings even a little more civility to the world. We may not see deep listening on the political stage, but we can see it in our own daily interactions. After all, it is within where change really begins.

Chantel Schieffer is the executive director of Leadership Montana. She grew up in the Flathead Valley, graduated from Montana State University with a degree in political science, and now resides in Bozeman with her husband and son.