Funeral home puts personal touch on final memories

By the nature of his career, Lee Darlington comes into people’s lives during some of their most painful and vulnerable times. From the perspective of a funeral director, the range of tragedy is endless, he said.

“One day I might be sitting across from a young couple who lost their infant… Then that afternoon, sitting down with a family with a family member who has been terminally ill for years… On another day, a tragic accident that is unexpected and takes someone in an instant,” Darlington said. “The range is so great. It’s a humbling responsibility to be there.”

In the worst of times, Darlington’s job is to provide the setting for the family’s celebration of the dead. From setting up the transportation for family, coordinating the catering and transforming his brand new facility into a scene of mourning, celebration and fellowship.

“We provide the things they need so they can begin the journey of the future with that person not at their side or removed from their lives,” Darlington said. “It’s a very sacred responsibility.”

Darlington Cremation and Burial Service opened its doors to the Flathead Valley a few weeks ago on U.S. 2 north of Evergreen. The rainiest October on record has stymied the final landscaping cosmetics on the property, but the new facility has already provided a few services for families in the valley. The business only employs a few part-time support employees, but Darlington hopes to eventually have a staff of about 15, including 12 support staff and three directors.

Darlington has been a funeral director for about 18 years, several of which have been directing at different funeral services around the Flathead. His wife Amber is the office manager at Darlington Cremation and Burial Service. She said the Darlingtons have found the perfect place to open their own business.

“The people here embrace you like a family,” she said. “It truly is a place for someone to be able to have their own business, where they can serve others like a family.”

Inside the facility, the foyer is a wide open space for people to gather. The catering kitchen down the hall resembles one found in a family’s new home. The chapel is neat and clean, and a blue glow shines down from the LED lights spotting the corners of the ceiling. Large flat-screen TVs hang in each room, bringing the overflow of friends and family inside the chapel.

Darlington said his service is the newest one in the area by 15 years. He decided to enter the funeral service market because he wanted to offer a service that has all the new bells and whistles not seen in traditional services.

“Like an uncle that might be homebound in a nursing facility and can’t make it to a brother’s or sister’s funeral 100 miles away; through modern technology a nurse can take a laptop into his room and have him participate and contribute just like he was there,” Darlington said. “Given the technology, in our opinion, you’re withholding those blessings without those things.”

Darlington savors the chance to provide the most one-of-a-kind service to families, but added that the entire process has so many dimensions it’s nearly impossible to have the same service twice. The layers include transportation, location, burials, cremations, music, lighting, readings and more.

One of the most memorable services Darlington remembers was for a man who frequented a local bar, where he was best known as a hardworking professional with humorous quips and wisdom to share over a drink. Darlington and the man’s family spent a long time devising the best way to honor his memory, eventually coming up with the perfect plan. The bar where the man had been a regular allowed Darlington to unbolt his stool from the floor and use it in the ceremony.

“It doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t speak anything. It was just, for so many people, who he was. It was a very sobering, beautiful experience,” he said. “In a very symbolic way, it spoke thousands of words.”

Before he directed funeral services, Darlington was exploring the medical field as a career choice. He spent some time in the Army, then as a surgical technician at Walter Reed Medical Center in Washington, D.C. during Operation Desert Storm in the Gulf War. Darlington said he treasures his relationship with the veteran community.

After his service, Darlington was working at a hospital in Washington when his wife’s friend suggested he might bring a positive energy to families as a funeral director, an idea that didn’t sit well with him at first.

“My entire career was helping people stay alive,” he said. “But I felt drawn to this particular service, because of the skill set. It’s someone who can make sense out of the most horrific things and not let it get to you, but to recognize the need to keep your bearings and be sensitive during that time. I consider it a privilege to have my life’s journey bring me to this point.”

At this point, Darlington is enjoying the first weeks of his new business, entirely his own to manipulate in any which way best reflects a person’s memory. As dark as those days may be for the families coming through Darlington’s service, he said providing the environment for such an emotional time is still fulfilling.

“Sitting down amongst their friends and family, learning about their lives, their challenges, their impact, their successes, and then gathering as a community to celebrate that is phenomenal, day after day,” Darlington said.