Program offers support for caretakers
Jacqueline Elm with her granddaughter Ella Kyger, 9, and the rescued ferret they adopted named Boo-Boo on April 13 in Kalispell. (Brenda Ahearn/Daily Inter Lake)
From left, Caleb Galloway, 17; Jacqueline Elm, their grandmother; Ella Kyger, 9; and Sury Galloway, 14, play games together in their living room after school on April 13 in Kalispell. (Brenda Ahearn/Daily Inter Lake)
For most grandparents, seeing a newborn grandchild in a hospital nursery is a moment of pride. For Jacqueline Elm, it was the start to the realization that her daughter was addicted to drugs.
Though Jacqueline and her husband Steve didn’t realize it at the time, they were about to trade retirement to become caretakers again.
Jacqueline watched her grandson squirm within the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit.
“He wasn’t crying like a baby would,” she said. “He was gasping for air.”
Later, Jacqueline’s daughter would tell her about the drugs she had taken leading up to, and throughout, her pregnancy.
Over the next 18 years, their daughter gave birth to five more babies. Of the six children, three experienced drug withdrawals at birth, Steve said.
“There are three grandkids that we feel we’ve raised,” he said. “Before, we were both retired, minding our own business — we didn’t have any appreciation for the court system and how difficult the experience is.”
Steve said that he and his wife had to learn how to legally and emotionally care for a child’s baby.
As a result of their experience, the duo founded Grandfamilies of Montana, Inc., a nonprofit organization that provides advocacy, education and support for people who are serving as caregivers.
Jacqueline defined a “Grandfamily” as the aunts, uncles, moms, dads, step-parents and grandparents working together to raise children.
“We’re the return of the Waltons,” she said. “In our case, it’s grandparents raising grandkids. It’s advocating for the entire family to work together, through financial issues, addictions or whatever else, to raise their children in the best way possible.”
THE FIRST thing visitors see when they walk in the entryway of the Elms’ home is an easel supporting the Grandfamilies of Montana’s description. Scattered around the poster, on the walls and in each following room, are family photos of the Elms’ five children and 22 grandchildren.
Jacqueline said they incorporated the Grandfamilies of Montana in October, “But we’ve lived it for a long time.”
“A grandfamily can be beautiful,” she said. “But it’s hard. Somedays we didn’t know how we would do it.”
Every third Friday of the month, Jacqueline and Steve meet with other kinship caretakers in the valley at the Nurturing Center in the Carriage House at 7 p.m.
Jacqueline said the support group is a chance for families to share the roadblocks they’ve faced in working together to raise children. She said by talking with other families who have similar experiences, she and Steve recognized the need to create a network of support for kinship caretakers.
“That could include creating a pool of last-minute good babysitters or even a list of good lawyers who specialize in kinship care cases,” she said.
The nonprofit is also raising funds to support families that are struggling to care for additional children.
Steve said along with building resources, Grandfamilies hopes to be a place where people can share tips from what they’ve learned.
“Like being a grandpa learning to live with a baby again or the legal stuff,” he said. “Like, what to do so that you can take the kid to the doctor? How do you take the kid to school?”
Jacqueline is also working toward wrapping up degrees in drug addiction counseling and social work.
She said she hopes to weave counseling services into the program to support families learning how to function through turmoil — for caretakers or parents fighting to stay sober.
THE ELMS’ home tends to be quiet — until school lets out.
On a recent afternoon, Jacqueline sat on the couch playing a game with one granddaughter. To her left, another granddaughter worked on her homework. To her right, her grandson scrolled through his phone.
Soon, friends from school would arrive. Within the next hour, Steve would give his goodbyes before heading to his part-time job at Lowes. Jacqueline also works part-time as a mentor at Flathead Valley Community College.
“We have to balance out the expenses,” Steve said. “We’re lucky we’re able to do this.”
The front door remained unlocked, with the Grandfamilies welcoming poster in the entryway, just in case someone connected to the program decided to make a visit.
Jacqueline said her and Steve’s life is more chaotic than they planned.
“But we’ve found a system in it all,” she said. “And we’re committed to it for the rest of our lives — to continue to be this mix of a grandfamily and to help others do it too.”
Reporter Katheryn Houghton may be reached at 758-4436 or by email at khoughton@dailyinterlake.com.
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For More Information: Grandfamilies of Montana, Inc. is offering scholarships for the Kids College summer continuing education program at Flathead Valley Community College, which is held in June.
The scholarships will be for children in kinship or grandparent care.
Donations to Grandfamilies are tax deductible. Donations can be sent to
Grandfamilies of Montana, PO Box 3238 Kalispell, MT 59903
For more information or to apply for a scholarship, contact Grandfamilies at (406) 300-1268, or grandfamilies@outlook.com.