Bigfork woman walks with widows through grief

Barbara Moore first spotted the man who would be her husband in an alleyway, of all places. She was babysitting for her sister’s kids and had taken the children out back to play when Don pulled up in a red convertible. For their first date, he took her to an amusement park and she remembers being thrown against him when they rode a spinning contraption called The Mixer.

They were married in the early 1960s.

He was a computer programmer who shared her passion for ministry, and together they started a nonprofit to share the Christian message through music and missionary work. The couple made a life for themselves in Minneapolis, and resided there for decades.

But as the years went on, Don’s rheumatoid arthritis worsened.

“There came point where he couldn’t take the pain anymore and he just gave up. I brought him home on hospice,” Barbara recalled. “The hospice nurse said, ‘He won’t make it ’til Christmas.’ You’re never prepared to hear that.”

Five days later, in December 2003, Don died, leaving Barbara widowed after 42 years of marriage.

His absence left a chasm in her life. She found herself surrounded in grief — and paperwork. But while his passing seemed to stop her in her tracks, the rest of the world moved forward.

There were tasks to accomplish, lawyers to meet with, insurance companies to contact. To help shoulder the weight of her loss, Barbara sought guidance from the Bible.

“I just went to the scriptures. God says, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you.’ I would be constantly praying all day; I would be constantly talking to Don all day,” she said. “God really strengthened me and gave me the wisdom that I needed to have to make it through.”

Six months after Don’s death, Barbara found another type of support system: a friend introduced her to a 13-week Bible study specifically designed for widows.

“It was a great help to me, it really was. The scriptures that are in there go by topics and sort of guide you,” she explained. “The first chapter is ‘Loving’ … the next chapter is ‘Losing,’ so it moves on progressively through the study. The last chapter is ‘Living On.’”

The study helped her walk forward in life without her partner and she felt called to share her experience with others. The following year, she lead a group of widows through “The Widow’s Workbook,” by Dixie Johnson and Fraley Keller.

And the next year, she did it again.

And again, the year after.

Since relocating to Montana, Barbara has offered the widow’s Bible study twice a year — in Kalispell in the spring and in Bigfork during the fall.

“Every time I do that I just pray — ‘God bring the ones that are ready.’ And he does,” she said.

The groups usually consist of five or six widows and she suggests that widows be at least six months removed from their husband’s passing before joining the study. Each week, the women read a chapter from the study and discuss their findings at the next session. Sharing their thoughts on the scripture often leads to broader discussion about their individual losses and how they’re coping.

“By the time that the session is done, we all just become fast friends and they don’t want to just leave it there, they want to keep meeting together because of the relationships and the sharing that has gone on,” Barbara said. “I have tons of new friends out here as a result of the Bible study.”

She goes to the movies twice each year with members for the 2016 Kalispell session and when some of the widows wanted to spread their husband’s ashes, she and other members prepared a meal.

“We have the opportunity to serve each other continually,” Barbara said. “Another reason for getting together is to see how each is doing, what’s happened, how are you coping? Are you OK? Because they care about one another.”

Helping other widows navigate grief has given Barbara a renewed sense of purpose.

She’s found strength and friendship and a way forward. A way to live on.

“As we gather together as widows we are not women alone,” she said. “We are women together.”

Reporter Mackenzie Reiss can be reached at mreiss@dailyinterlake.com or (406) 758-4433.