Mothers take on heavy loads as pandemic persists

The second Sunday in May is a time set aside for mothers in the United States. Since 1914, the nation has celebrated that day as a time to pay tribute to the tens of millions of women in the U.S. who have given birth.

A mother’s hard work is crucial to the success of every family, and too often goes unnoticed. It’s not just the lunches she packs or the way she balances her full-time job with her “other” full-time job. It’s her sacrifices, instincts and nurturing spirit that make all the difference in everyone’s lives.

As the U.S. celebrates mothers in 2020, it is celebrating a different kind of motherhood. This is the motherhood where moms are working from home while still managing to take care of the kids. This is a motherhood where moms have been forced to become school teachers in their own living rooms and bedrooms. This is a motherhood where moms and expectant mothers are forced to remain in the workforce in fear for their own safety. This is the “new” motherhood that has been forced on women around the country and the world by COVID-19.

Kalispell’s Amber Roper, a 35-year-old pregnant mother of three, is currently holding down a full-time job while also running her own business and taking care of her children. A data analyst for Fidano in Whitefish and owner of Nature Baby Outfitter on Main Street and Kalispell, Roper said the last seven weeks have been extremely stressful for her family.

“Figuring out what priorities come first has been the hardest part, by far,” she said. “When there is so much that needs to be done, how do you figure out what is the most important? What happens when you have to choose between something for work or your child’s schooling? It’s hard to figure out. It’s been quite a struggle learning how to juggle both jobs while also learning to be a first-grade teacher. It’s really tough. You learn very quickly how underpaid teachers are.”

While her laptop has allowed her to keep up with work while also running her shop in Kalispell, some adjustments have been made to help keep things running smoothly, such as repurposing a display desk near the store’s checkout area so her children have a work area.

With all three children under the age of 6, Roper said she is used to having them around while working, but her husband, who is splitting time between the office and home, is not.

“He messaged me today that it was impossible for him to get any work done while the kids were home with him,” she said. “I laughed and told him that now he knows what the last several years of my life have been like.”

Now in the 24th week of her pregnancy, Roper says this pregnancy has been quite different from her previous three.

“There has been a lot more uncertainty with this pregnancy. We have to decide if we want to have a hospital birth and determine how COVID is going to affect that,” she said. “There is that fear of the unknown with the hospital environment right now, which is something we never had to question before.”

It is an uncertainty she says can be seen affecting other expectant mothers in her store every day, especially those having to cancel baby showers.

“There is this feeling of almost grieving that people are missing out on that part of the pregnancy. It’s a much-needed connection and celebration with friends and family,” she said. “I see people coming in that had a registry, but were unable to have a baby shower. Now, they are responsible for buying everything they need and that has been tough to see, especially with first-time parents.”

THE STORY is much the same for furloughed Kalispell Regional Medical Center employee Haley Sanborn, a mother of four who is learning to homeschool three of her children, ages 12, 8 and 6, while also caring for her 1-year-old.

“We’ve fallen behind. I’m not going to lie, it’s difficult,” she said. “It’s definitely been different and a little crazy. Teaching school is hard, especially when you have three to teach. The older one is OK on his own, but the other two need one-on-one time and there is only one of me. It’s been pretty difficult.”

Sanborn, who has been spending about two hours a day working with both her 8- and 6-year-old children, said Google and Zoom meetings have been helpful, but trying to replace their teachers has been a real struggle.

“Their teachers teach them in a way that they get and understand. I am not a teacher, so they get frustrated with how I am doing things and I am getting frustrated that they are not following how I am trying to teach them. I have so much new respect for their teachers.”

With the addition of a new computer and desk, Sanborn was able to move the learning area from her overflowing kitchen table to a new area in the living room and said things are improving and that contact with other mothers has helped relieve some of her stress.

“Mothers need to remember they are not alone. I thought I was, but now I have had many people tell me they are struggling with the same challenges that I am,” she said. That makes me feel a lot better.”

THE COVID-19 pandemic has brought with it a new set of concerns for women late in pregnancy who have to decide between going to hospital to give birth or giving birth at home.

Amanda Horoho, a 33-year-old mother in Kalispell, recently gave birth to her second child at KRMC and said she was nervous, but felt safe throughout the process.

Horoho, who works as a pharmacist at the hospital, said she was disappointed to have to leave her 2-year-old daughter in the care of a neighbor and later her grandmother while she was at the hospital, but she was grateful to be able to have her husband there for the birth.

“There was a lot of uncertainty to deal with. If my husband would have caught a cold, he would not have been able to be there for the birth and I would have been by myself, which was scary. It’s hard to not have your family there with you at a moment like that,” Horoho said. “I knew the hospital had taken a lot of precautions and that there were not a lot of cases in the area, so that really put my mind at ease. It was very different, though. Last time I was able to roam the halls while I was in labor and I would not have been able to do that this time.”

Linzi Napier of Kalispell, who gave birth to her second child at KRMC March 27, said she also felt pressured to make sure her family stayed healthy before the birth.

Napier, who stayed three nights in the hospital after giving birth via cesarean section, said it was strange when many members of her family came to meet her new daughter through the window of her room, including her 3-year-old son.

Kalispell resident Mikayla Polston, 24, said the anxiety of being pregnant with her first child during the COVID-19 pandemic has been especially hard. Polston, who suffers from an autoimmune disease, said she has felt particularly isolated as she shelters in place awaiting her Aug. 31 due date.

Polston, who has been sending her husband to do any errands that take place outside of their home, said she is worried about people not following quarantine regulations as the state looks to reopen.

“It’s so aggravating for people like me when you see people not following the quarantine rules. People from out of state are supposed to self-quarantine for 14 days, and I am sure some are, but there are so many that made plans to come here months ago and I do not have much faith in them following the rules. That’s very scary,” she said. “I think a lot of people are lacking empathy and do not understand the possible ramifications of their actions. Some people only think of themselves and refuse to see the bigger picture in all of this. It’s terrible and I don’t even have words for people who are not taking this seriously.”

Despite her fears, Polston and her husband are still planning for a hospital birth, but have a backup plan in place as well.

“We have no way of knowing what the situation will be like in three months,” she said. “We have to be ready for anything.”

Reporter Jeremy Weber may be reached at 758-4446 or jweber@dailyinterlake.com.