Dealing with a personality disorder
Sometimes we run into people who have mental health problems that are difficult for family members or society to deal with. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of them. Here are parts of an article from Good Housekeeping magazine on the subject. Perhaps you may know of or have even voted for someone with this disorder. (Disclosure: I once earned money by selling Good Housekeeping magazine subscriptions door-to-door.)
What is narcissism?
“Narcissism is a personality style that is characterized by patterns including variable empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, validation- and admiration-seeking, envy of others, egocentricity, low capacity for mutual and reciprocal relationships and a deep sense of insecurity that underlies all of this,” says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of several books including “Don’t you know who I am? How to stay sane in an era of narcissism, entitlement and incivility.”
“It is on a continuum and can range from milder narcissism that may be experienced as self-involvement, selfishness, vanity and immaturity all the way to more severe levels that may be experienced as exploitative, coercive and aggressive.”
For a person to qualify for an official diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, one must exhibit at least five of these traits, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders:
• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty or perfect love
• Believes that they are “special” and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions)
• Requires excessive admiration
• Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations)
• Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends
• Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them
• Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
The two primary types of narcissism manifest in different ways:
• Grandiose (overt) narcissism: What most of us think of as narcissism is a specific type called grandiose narcissism. People who exhibit traits of grandiose narcissism generally fit the criteria listed above because of beliefs that are ingrained in their mind.
“Somebody who’s a grandiose narcissist, they will legitimately believe that they’re better than you in their mind — inherently better,” says Pascal Wallisch, a clinical associate professor of psychology and data science at New York University. “And obviously if they’re so perfect, they cannot really accept the blame. It must have been you. In our research, that type is closely tied to psychopathy. They are inherently feeling great about themselves.”
• Vulnerable (covert) narcissism: While not talked about as much, vulnerable narcissism is actually more common than grandiose narcissism, according to research Wallisch has worked on.
“The person is more anxious, angry, sullen, resentful, victimized, perceives that other people are against them and may also be hostile, sad and have difficulties functioning well,” says Durvasula. “These folks are often quite angry at the world and have deep-seated fears of failure as well as shame.”
Vulnerable narcissism stems from strong feelings of insecurity in a person, which may develop after early childhood experiences lead them to feel inadequate.
“They reject the blame and take the credit because they literally cannot stand it,” says Wallisch. “They feel like there’s a hole in their soul and they need the credit to patch that up and they cannot accept the blame because they’re already drowning. The tragedy is that after a while, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and other people start to genuinely reset them, which makes them do this even more.”
Beyond those two more well-studied types of narcissism, there are additional informal categories of narcissism like these:
“Malignant narcissism is more congruent with something called the dark tetrad which is where psychopathy, narcissism, Machiavellianism and sadism collide,” says Durvasula. “Here we see a more manipulative, exploitative, coercive, callous, cold and calculating form of narcissism.”
Jim Elliott served sixteen years in the Montana Legislature as a state representative and state senator. He lives on his ranch in Trout Creek.