When politics arise, seek out common ground

Like fire and ice, politics and the holidays just don't mix.  

At least, that’s the common refrain this time of year as we gather with relatives, friends and acquaintances to celebrate and give thanks. To keep the peace around the Thanksgiving table, why go there? 

Well, we might ask, why not go there? 

Have we burrowed so deeply into our personal politics that we can't bear the thought of conversing with someone who -- gasp -- shares a different world view? Must we always retreat to our silos and muffle every opinion that contrasts with the tenor of our chosen feeds and channels? 

Nonsense. 

This Thanksgiving, we challenge you to break out of your safe space when political banter inevitably arises. Embrace the opportunity to learn more about someone you disagree with, but do it with purpose. 

Kenneth Barish, the author of “Bridging Our Political Divide: How Liberals and Conservatives Can Understand Each Other and Find Common Ground," offers some fine advice about how to approach beneficial political conversation. 

Most prominently, he suggests constructive listening. Don't just wait for your turn to launch attacks and defend a position. Ask questions and offer authentic curiosity about why a person supports a certain candidate or movement you don't align with or know much about. 

"Political arguments are typically framed as a forced choice between opposing opinions," Barish writes in a column for the L.A. Times. "In a dialogue, however, it is far more important to understand someone’s concerns and then, in response, to express our concerns. A conversation about concerns is very different from one about opinions. We debate opinions; we discuss concerns." 

By focusing on listening instead of debate, Barish says it's possible to find areas of agreement, and shared concerns will rise to the surface. 

"When we make an effort to learn about someone’s life beyond politics, we will almost always find some common experience or shared value, something we can understand and affirm, even with people whose political opinions are antithetical to our own," he writes. 

A dash of humility helps, as well. 

“Humility requires us to accept that there are facts we do not know and perspectives we may not have considered,” Barish said. 

As we open our doors this season to welcome guests of varying persuasions, let's try to also open ourselves to learning more about each other. 

It might just be the healthiest side dish on the menu.